I think I need a new wife. For an hour or so.

You are, truly, merciless.

It wasn’t always so, you know. Why, when I was a child–

You were Ming The Dangerously Precocious?
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From a bio: Kazuo Ishiguro claims to have “drifted into” writing. “It wasn’t necessarily what I wanted to do,” he admits and speculates that writing “may be a consolation for something that got broken. The activity of re-creating the world on the page, finding alternative worlds, is a way of trying to fix that thing or caress that wound…a wound that will never heal.”

And here’s Alan Cumming on the Graham Norton Show discussing kilts and cockrings.

I bring you a clip from some movie that has NINJAS ON ROLLERSKATES!

(via the Star-Telegram) Penis enlargers and constricting rings to maintain erections can be seized at U.S. borders, U.S. regulators said Thursday, citing inadequate safety labels.

The devices have inadequate directions for use and can have harmful effects, from rupturing blood vessels to causing gangrene of the penis, the Food and Drug Administration said in guidance to import inspectors posted on the agency’s Web site. The guidance was a revision to guidelines on “external penile rigidity devices” the FDA published in 2004.

The FDA said such devices fall into several categories:

* Mechanical stretching devices, which “employ weights or lines tied to other parts of the body such as the knee, to affect tension on the penis.

* Vacuum operating devices, “those employing a sealing principle in the area of the base of the penis and an evacuation mechanism to drop the atmospheric pressure around the penis, thereby affecting increased blood flow.”

* Constrictive rings, which “constrict the base of the penis after erection has been achieved and cause the erection to be maintained by blocking the normal circulation of blood from the penis.”

* Supportive devices, which “function as a splint or cradle in order to maintain a resemblance of turgidity.”

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So yeah. There you do. The FDA feels that your penis pump is unsafe and thus they will stop it at the border. On the other hand External Penile Rigidity Device may be my new band name.

BOINGY! BOINGY! BOINGY! BOINGY! BOINGY! Sent by Ariana. Who made me cackle with glee when I saw it.

Of course this is from a video:

This whole week is just fucked up. Day job sched is messing with me - the week is full of being in 2 or 3 hours early and leaving a few hours late. So yeah. Forgive the lack of braining.

In the meantime, have some Morris Day and the motherfuckin’ Time!

So why should you love How I Met Your Mother? Well one reason could be that Neil Patrick Harris and Jason Segel randomly sing Les Mis songs to each other. Not on the show. Beforeit, off camera. Just because they enjoy it. Then they talk about it on a show somewhere and launch into Confrontation with no hesitation.

Last night was the special birthday edition of Monday Night. Now, my birthday is today, the 19th, but there is no way I can do anything tonight. Work intrudes mightily on the mere concept of plans tonight. So we did some hanging last night instead.

Kendra and Noelle met me for dinner at the Pink Teacup and we had a grand old time, full of laughter and headshaking. Then we moved on to the bar. M was working last night, on a special two week fill-in extravaganza, so it was like old times. M handed me a bag of really good coffee beans as a birthday present - which makes even better sense if you remember that back when she was our regular bartender I would bring in bags of coffee for all of us. So yeah.

The four of us hung out a while and then Hammerpants dropped in. There was a bit of a Norm! moment when he did, which was great. And then he tripped over himself trying to remember Kendra and Noelle’s names, since he had only met them once. They left soon after, not due to Hammerpants, and the drinking continued.

Around 10, Hammercapris showed up (Hammerpants GF. She picked the name herself.) which is always cool, and so did Vin. So then we had a small party of folk and drinks and a laughing, cackling, M and Moran.

Somehow, it came out that Moran will sometimes just replace my beer but leave the same napkin. And so what? Well see - cold wet bottle of beer + paper napkin = mush within a bottle. So when she manages to do that, and the napkin dispenser at that end of the bar is gone now (broken) so I can’t grab one myself … well I end up with a mushy pile of … mush. And it’s fine and when it gets bad I get another one and it isn’t like it’s every week. But, you see, Hammerpants started telling this to M. Who turned to Moran with a “Will you PLEASE just give the man a new napkin? Some days?” and that started this chain of hysterical laughing and accusations. Which … I dunno. It just is.

Around then I asked Vin to text Doc, who hadn’t shown up. I didn’t except him to, frankly, the man is busier than me by far, but I haven’t seen him in a year and I’ve known him since High School. So Vin texts him and we get back “Oh shit, that’s tonight?!” after which he started heading to the bar.

So Doc shows up and then we’re spreading drink carnage across the bar. Just glasses and bottles filling up a bigger and bigger space. It became a challenge, I think. But then … oh then… Hammercapris found a wooden box outside. On the street. And decided the bar should have it. So she brought it in. And then we realized the bar’s bobble head dolls would fit inside.

Yes, the bar has two bobble heads up on a shelf. Anyway.

So M stuck them in and I nodded at it. “Well, now they have box seats,” which cracked M up and made the rest of my friends wonder if they could legally drown me. We had to leave not too long after that, since it was getting late. However it also meant it was then past midnight, so I achieved the goal to start my 33rd year in that bar, surrounded by good friends, including the staff, while drinking. If it sets the tone for my year this one will be a blast and a half.

And, under the cut, some more bonus pictures!
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