So there you are, thinking of making a sex tape. You and your partner, you’re going to have hot sex, right on camera. It still pays, however, to pay attention.

SFW visuals (There may be ads added to the video in an overlay which may NOT be worksafe, however. I can not control the intertubes.). Audio, I dunno. And shit, the video preloads to something that may or may not be SFW, so it is under a cut. Taadaa!
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(Thanks to Adrienne Jones for the heads up on this): So there is a new porn in town. Oh hells yes there is.

RE-PENETRATOR

From the site: Re-Penetrator is the story of a stripper (Joanna Angel), who after being dead for twenty years, is resurrected back to life by perverted mad scientist Dr. Hubert Breast (Tommy Pistol). Dr. Breast vaginally injects the long-dead, but exquisitely preserved, exotic dancer with special serum so the re-penetrated corpse will return from the VIP room in hell and crave nothing but sex. After he injects her with a gooey green potion the stripper awakens with an insatiable craving for balls, and she fucks the mad scientist from the gurney to the grave.

So let’s see. Undead. Lovecraft parody. Porn. Winner of the 2006 AVN Award for Most Outrageous Sex Scene. From the folks that brought you The XXXORCIST. A movie so gore-filled and sex-filled it was banned from a number of internet sites. Yeah.

Oh, and if you were curious about The XXXorcist: In The XXXorcist, after all other exorcism methods fail, Father Merkin (Tommy Pistol) has no other option but to screw the hell (and the devil) out of a possessed woman, Regan Teresa MacFeel (Joanna Angel). Her Mother, Mrs. MacFeel (Kylee Kross) looks on helplessly until she succumbs to the evil and becomes possessed as well. Father Merkin is forced to fight for his life…with his genitals.

Now isn’t that a great kicker line? “…with his genitals.” Gotta respect that one. You just do.

In other totally unrelated news, here is a video of a samurai sword being shot at by a .50 cal machine gun. Can it cut bullets? What do you think? Yeah this video is utterly worth your time.

That’s what we do here. Porn, swords and guns. Oh, and:

Porn. Swords. Guns. And the Care Bear Stare. Exactly.

Why does this not exist, or worse exist without me knowing it?

LEGODILDONICS

Science, man. It’s all about the science.

So Monday night happened, the way it will. Quiet night, mostly. Mostly a bunch of us traded cat stories, like you do, and drank and hung out. I played spotter, as is my job. You know, when M is talking to folks at one corner of the bar she has her back to the rest of the place and I can still see it, so it becomes my job to go “M, you’re being paged.”

It’s a job.

Then later M rubbed her hands together with glee and gave a small evil laugh. “I’m planning some evil,” she said.

I looked concerned. “Wait, you’re going to plan evil without me?”

“Well, it isn’t really evil, no I wouldn’t plan EVIL without you.”

“Thanks,” I said and turned to Hammerpants, “You know I call shotgun on Satan.”

Later still I stood up to head down to the bathroom and my bag strap fell off my knee, twisted partly around the chair and looped over my foot. So I almost went headfirst into the floor, for about a second, which made M and Hammerpants wonder how much I had to drink. Really, it was the strap.

While downstairs I passes these two guys discussing guitarists.

“You know who has a little Hendrix in him?” the first guy asked.

“No, who?”

“Prince.”

“Fair enough.”

I had to leave quickly before I stopped to point out that Prince could only FIT a little bit of Hendrix in him. I mean Hendrix was kinda tall. Prince is the opposite of that.

So yeah, quiet night.

—————————-

The preview should be safe enough for work. Don’t hit play though unless you want to see Smurf Porn. Yes, people painted blue, in little white outfits, smurfing like there’s no tomorrow. They smurf and smurf and you won’t believe your eyes when they start to smurf. Did I mention it was in Spanish? Live action smurf porn in Spanish. Yup.

Some of you might remember the Dry British Porn moment. Well someone said a single phrase and I realized that I needed to do a short burst of Steampunk Porn.

“Now then, Miss Hastings, shall we continue with the experiment?”

“I think so, Doctor. Are my goggles straight?”

“They are. And now, here, we shall focus upon my telescoping flange…”

“It does seem quite the robust instrument, doctor.”

“As it should, as it should. Now, my dear, simply access the roller ball controls, use them gently as to not disturb the telescoping mechanism…”

“Yes, of course. Like this, then?”

“Truly. Now, as you can see the telescoping flange has fully extended under your guidance. We can resume our experimentation in full.”

“I am, frankly, excited by the prospect, doctor. I do notice that the heat given off by the flange needs to be tempered. Perhaps a water-based cooling system?”

“Pulleys and levers, dear, pulleys and levers. They shall see us through. Manual manipulation of the flange should ease it back into full use.”

“Oh my.”

“Yes.”

“Oh dear.”

“Exactly.”

“What are we doing, doctor?”

“Science, dear. Science.”

Now you can go download some new midget porn. Keep in mind the midget is wearing a demon mask. And the file is a 66mg .wmv file.

Of course you could also go to XXX Midgetsex.com and get your midget sex on. Uhm, that site, like the video above? NSFW. If I have to tell you that? You have issues.

Mind you, XXX Midget Porn.com (note the difference) has a great front page text:

XXX midget porn for free? Is sex with midgets your twisted bizarre fetish? We would like to welcome you to our hot demented fuck shows with dwarfs. Are you a fan of the midget gangbang? You must be aware that this type of material is very difficult to obtain and we are currently combing the freak shows in search of x-rated freaks (especially little midget women) that would like to appear in our flicks of sex with midgets and free xxx midget porn.

We’ve got a decent amount of free xxx midget porn right now, but you should check out some of our sponsors sites as we have found them to be the only places where we could find any xxx midget porn films and midget gangbangs on the internet. Please keep checking back because finding hot free xxx pictures of people screwing dwarfs isn’t just a hobby it’s a passion!! I plan I making xxx midget porn your #1 100% free stop for sex with midgets!!

They’re so excited about it all. I appreciate the enthusiasm involved. I truly, truly do.

Then there is Little Midgets.com which begs the question of there being BIG midgets, but whatever.

But really? Here is porn featuring a midget getting fucked by a clown. It’s like a ninja fucking a pirate. There’s something so illicit about it, so wrong and yet so… no, it’s just wrong. My mistake.

And again - everything here is NSFW, for most of humanity.

But this has been your day in midget porn.

Found by unrep:

Yes that is from a real website. Yes they are serious.

My problem is I was looking for whore on whore on whore on whore on whore on whore on whore action. They only offer whore on whore on whore on whore on whore on whore action. Too small time for me.

Also: do you think whore on whore on whore on whore on whore on whore action ever results in pimp shooting pimp shooting pimp shooting pimp shooting pimp shooting pimp action?

Catfight Gangbang also feels like a late 70s punk band. They opened for the Ramones (in more ways than one?), right?

I do dig the whole Kid ‘N Play color scheme though. That shit is FRESH.

Someone sent this to me and now I pass the hellish burning pain onto you: Spider-man / Spider-woman tickle porn.

Live action. A full 2 minute preview of the full video. So NSFW. So very very NSFW.

Apparently this company, Laughing Gas does a lot of superhero based tickle porn. I… I don’t get it. I really don’t. Uhm but if, for fuck’s sake, you do I guess you’d go to their site.

But seriously. What the fuck? Spider-man… spider-man… strips other superheroes and tickles them when he can… spins a web… any size… I give up.

But yes, if you want odd tickle fetish videos, many with superheroes, I’ve just made your day. Now go and have your day made in private.

The year: 1965
The video: Perversion for Profit
The point: An Anti-porn PSA, Perversion for Profit linked porn to commies and so on.

This thing is hysterical. Enjoy.