So the new Holiday Guide presents a special new feature! Best Of. That’s right. I got some folks together and asked them to contribute a list of their top ten movies and top ten books. Along with an intro and some pimping of their stuff when I can, we’ll be doing one a day when I have one. I had nothing to do with these lists except soliciting them. The descriptions are the authors’ as are the picks.

Today I give you the choices of Ron Malfi. He’s a great author with more good books coming out than should be allowed. Which means we get to rea dthem, so we’re all lucky. In the meantime - here are Malfi’s picks and explanations.

BOOKS
1. The Bleeding Season by Greg F. Gifune (or, really, anything by Gifune) – It seems any writer worth his or her salt eventually confronts their own mortality, inevitably rearing its head in the form of a coming-of-age novel. Here’s Gifune’s.
2. The Comfort of Strangers by Ian McEwan – If Ernest Hemingway wrote thrillers. I am seriously jealous of this novel.
3. The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway – And speaking of Hemingway…hands down, the greatest American novel (that ironically takes place in Europe) ever written.
4. Girl Imagined by Chance by Lance Olsen – Creepiness imagined by Lance.
5. In the Skin of a Lion by Michael Ondaatje – You cannot beat M.O.’s poetic prose.
6. Rose of Heaven by Michael Hemmingson – The mook’s not just a porn-hound, kids.
7. The Snowman’s Children by Glen Hirshberg – Puts all those sad little Leisure titles to shame.
8. The Throat by Peter Straub – My favorite Straub novel. Might be yours, too.
9. East of Eden by John Steinbeck – This book is his box, and he’s put everything in it.
10. V. by Thomas Pynchon – While his latest, “Against the Day,” reads like the extended director’s cut of tedium, his first novel is quite enjoyable and you won’t need Mr. Webster to help you understand it (the dictionary guy, not the black midget).

MOVIES
1. The Big Lebowski written and directed by the Coen Brothers – Quite possibly the funniest movie ever made. And quite certainly the funniest movie Jeff Bridges ever made.
2. The Descent directed by Neil Marshall – If you like your horror claustrophobic.
3. Eyes Wide Shut directed by Stanley Kubrick – His last film for some reason resonates on a horrific level, depicting the degradation of the American pseudo-family.
4. The Silence of the Lambs directed by Jonathan Demme – A rare example of the film possibly better than the novel.
5. Contact directed by Robert Zemeckis – Same reasoning for “The Silence of the Lambs”…and it makes a nice Jodie Foster boxed set!
6. Summer Lovers directed by Randal Kleiser – One of those peculiar little films I happened to watch years ago, most accidentally, and still resonates with me, mostly in those early mornings when the sun hasn’t fully risen.
7. Fight Club directed by David Fincher – Are you sensing a trend? Part III of the Better than the Book Film Festival.
8. The Exorcist directed by William Friedkin – Okay, maybe not better than the novel, but certainly a worthwhile film and moody as hell.
9. Raiders of the Lost Ark directed by Steven Spielberg – In recognition of the fourth installment to this franchise, “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls,” due out Memorial Day 2008, this film stands out so far as the best in an altogether outstanding trilogy. (Also, you know a director is important when his funky last name is recognized by Microsoft World, particularly when words like “Malfi” are not.)
10. Back to the Future directed by Robert Zemeckis – Seriously, what jerk-bar doesn’t like this movie?

Now, Malfi also has a few books of his own out. Including: The Nature of Monsters, The Fall of Never and the jaw-droppingly good Via Dolorosa.

And a second Holiday Gift Guide post for today with other products. Just three that I enjoy:

Over at MoMA they have a page holder. It rocks.

Go grab one for $30. Stainless steel, dishwasher safe.
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From the National Archives store comes some authentic Red Tape:

Official United States documents were once bound with red twill tape that had to be “cut through” to gain access. This encased bit of “red tape” is from Civil War documents found in the records of the Union Army, by volunteers of the Civil War Records Conservation Corp at the National Archives. $30.
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Uranium Ore from Amazon. Not a joke.

From the desc: Radioactive sample of uranium ore. Useful for testing Geiger Counters. License exempt. Uranium ore sample sizes vary. Shipped in labeled metal container as shown. Shipping Information: We are always in compliance with Section 13 from part 40 of the NRC Nuclear Regulatory Commission rules and regulations and Postal Service regulations specified in 49 CFR 173.421 for activity limits of low level radioactive materials. Item will be shipped in accordance with Postal Service activity limits specified in Publication 52. Radioactive minerals are for educational and scientific use only. Only $22.95! For some Uranium Ore! Holy shit!

So the new Holiday Guide presents a special new feature! Best Of. That’s right. I got some folks together and asked them to contribute a list of their top ten movies and top ten books. Along with an intro and some pimping of their stuff when I can, we’ll be doing one a day when I have one. I had nothing to do with these lists except soliciting them. The descriptions are the authors as are the picks.

So to launch this shindig I present Danielle Ackley-McPhail! You can find her at her website, Sidhenadaire.com, and find more info on her at the end of this list.

First up, MOVIES
The X-Files: The Ultimate Collection - What can be said? My all-time favorite series, the only one I watched religiously as it aired. Aliens, conspiracies, unexplained phenomena…For me, timeless.

M*A*S*H - Martinis and Medicine Complete Collection - Okay, MASH was my favorite series before I even knew what a series was. Comedy, tragedy, bloody and bawdy and brawling…everything thrown together against a stark backdrop that just emphasized the colorful characters all the more. It dealt with delicate situations with panache and still managed to laugh in the end. It didn’t trivialize war, but helped the majority of Americans to understand it just a bit more during the darkest period of US Military history. This gift is already under my tree.

Firefly - The Complete Series - Jayne…enough said! Okay…there’s more, but hey, I just love that guy. Never know what to expect from any of them and heartily disappointed that they didn’t take things further than they did….as in ten years further so I don’t have to watch the drivel on TV right now…but hey, there’s always DVD!

The Princess Bride (20th Anniversary Edition) - Okay, the best part of this for me…it’s a flip box! They managed to pull it off so that no matter which way you hold the box…rightside-up or upside-down…it always says Princess Bride!!! Add that to some really cool extras and you have the reason I just bought a DVD I’ve already owned for about ten years.

Ghost Rider (Two-Disc Extended Cut) - Well, I can’t say how true to the source material this stayed, but I can say I enjoyed it worlds and away more than I did Daredevil. Enjoyed it so much on pay-per-view that I regretted not hauling my butt down to the movie theatre to see it there first run. I think the acting was decent, the effects were awesome, and there was actually an enjoyable storyline.

Junior - I don’t know, but there is something about Arnold going all maternal that makes me laugh my butt off…I can’t decide if this or Kindergarten Cop are my favorites of his comedy, but this movie definitely showed a different level of his maturing abilities.

Mrs. Winterbourne - Yes…I LIKE a sappy romance once in a while, and I LOVE Brendan Frazer, yummy! A nice romance with depth and contrast, that didn’t tax the brain or insult the intelligence. I like that in a movie.

My Neighbor Totoro - What can I say, I want to BE Totoro when I grow up…or at least play him in the masquerade. Maybe…someday…I’ve actually bought the softest, creamiest thick faux fur for his belly. But the movie itself has that unique blend of wonder, mysticism and joy characteristic of this director’s work. Love the style and vibrancy, not to mention the creativity of the stories and skill of the animators. Check out any of these titles by the same director for quality, engaging viewing, Kiki’s Delivery Service, Howl’s Moving Castle, Porco Rosso, Princess Mononoke, The Cat Returns, Spirited Away, or Naussica of the Wind. (caveat : Graveyard of the Fireflies, which you’ll likely find near all those others is by the same production company and looks an aweful lot like the same style, is NOT by the same director, very dark in content and style. Couldn’t watch it myself.)

V - The Complete Series - Verging on camp, the effects–or the acting–weren’t always great, but the action ran rampant and the series was a lot of fun, especially if you’re looking for junkfood sci fi.

Babylon 5 - The Complete Television Series (5-Pack) Epic. Absolutely Epic. Tight, well-woven stories, interesting backstories, well-developed characters and absolutely visually stunning. The later tie-in movies weren’t always so great, but I really enjoyed the series as a whole.

And now BOOKS!
The Abhorsen Trilogy Box Set - A nice, unique series. Well thought out and challenging. Mirrors our own world enough to really shake you up at those points where it departs from it. I recommend anything by this author, Garth Nix. It’s not an easy read, but definitely an enjoyable one.

The Radiation Angels: The Chimerium Gambit - Do you like action? Do you like military sci fi? Then grab this book because it rocks! James Daniel Ross is an up-and-comer worth keeping an eye on. This is his first novel, but the sequel, I have on good advisement, just went to the publisher. He also has short fiction in Breach the Hull (Marietta Publishing) set in this same universe. Well developed and action-packed.

Sandry’s Book (Circle of Magic, Book 1) - I love the way that Tamora Pierce pushes the bounds of our expectations. Her fiction is technically considered YA, but to me, all that means is that it isn’t cluttered by all the crap that masquerades as quality adult-oriented fiction these days. This is the first book in a series that is complex and detailed enough to draw you in and magical enough to keep you there.

Dragon’s Son (Lord of Wind and Fire) - Elaine Corvidae has a lot of great books out there, I just particularly recommend this one, though it is the third book in a series, because it was my favorite. This universe is down and dirty examining the varied layers of humanity with characters that transcend humanity. Her short fiction also appears in Bad-Ass Faeries (Marietta Publishing) and though that story is not set in the same universe as Dragon’s Son, she does have a series of novels that are set in that universe.

Baby’s First Mythos - This book is just WRONG! Its very existence is an affront to decency. I love it. I’ve bought at least four separate copies as gifts for others. I know of other people that buy a new copy every time someone they know has a child. The artwork is stunning and the simple text is as twisted as ol’ HP himself. Check it out, if for no other reason than morbid curiosity.

The Sherrilyn Kenyon Dark-Hunter Boxed Set, No. 1: Night Embrace / Dance with the Devil / Night Pleasures - Okay, once in a while I actually like the “crap” that masquerades as quality adult-oriented fiction…when it isn’t crap and there is a story to go along with the smut that actually challenges you to follow it…in a good way. SK creates such a rich and varied universe in her Hunter series’ that there is no danger of any of them being called porn masquerading as a story. I wait in tortured impatience each time I see a new hardcover, knowing I have at least six months before I can get my hands on the paperback (which is all I’m allowed to buy anymore.

Deerskin - A while back fairytale retellings were hot. They were everywhere. Some were good, others were unrecognizable. This one I had never heard of the original before so I can’t tell which category it falls into. What I can tell you is that characteristic of this author’s larger body of works, the writing is wonderful, original, engaging in execution and detail. What I liked even more is that in subtle ways this book was tied into her original series, though the stories themselves have nothing to do with one another. It is a small thing, but to me it speaks of an author invested in what they are doing and caring enough of her audience to link to a universe they cherish.

Sunshine - This is an older work by the same author. Very different from her past works, darker, and urban fantasy rather than pure fantasy like everything else I’ve read. It draw on the vampire myths, transmutes some of them, maintains others. Characters were interesting and the writing as excellent as ever. Not my favorite, but it is a part of my permanent library.

To Ride A Rathorn - PC Hodgell is my absolute favorite, under-appreciated author. Her work is hard to find, and there isn’t a lot of it, but talk about RICH! The detail, the variety in backdrop and character. Some really original concepts here, edges blurred kind of thing. If you like fantasy grab this one for yourself!

Dark of the Gods - Same as above, only this is where it all started. Her titles are God Stalk, Dark of the Gods, Seeker’s Mask, To Ride a Rathorn, and a couple of short fiction collections. Sad to say, most of it you have to find uses…and it doesn’t come cheap! That should tell you how good this author is!

Here are a few words Danielle had to say about her own books for sale!

Breach the Hull - The newest hot title to come out of Marietta Publishing, it combines tried-and-true veterans of the military science fiction genre with hot new authors poised to take over the universe. Get your copy today!

Bad-Ass Faeries - The run-away best-selling hit, brought to you by Marietta Publishing and the incomparable Danielle Ackley-McPhail, et. al., is the absolute must-have in faerie books.

Yesterday’s Dreams - And back to where it all began…but don’t expect it to end here…there’s more on the way! Get your copy of Yesterday’s Dreams today and prepare yourself for the long-awaited sequel, Tomorrow’s Memories (2008).

Every year I try and do the Holiday Gift Guide wherein I post links to odd gift choices. Some years people have actually used it to buy a gift or two. The time for the Gift Guide is almost upon us. But this year - things change!

Yes there will still be the occasional Gift Guide post. As I gather things. There will also be special Gift Guide entries by some other people I know, writers mostly, who have agreed to join in the madness. And then there will be a few, very few, spotlight entries.

Yeah, the Gift Guide is getting bigger and stranger and way more fun. That all starts Monday.
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On the other hand I have to share this one with you right the hell now: The Virgin Mary USB key. When connected and transferring data her heart glows and beats. For seriously.
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And well… Joe over at bookofjoe (not Hammer Pants, Hammer Pants is a different Joe) just posted a link to French Fry car mats

I couldn’t ignore them. Only $29.99. I wonder if sometimes they’re Freedom Mats. Huh.
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Yeah I guess the Holiday Gift Guide starts today, kinda. Despite my best intentions.
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Angel-A is out on DVD. Vas ist? Angel-A is the new film directed and written by Luc Besson. The guy who gave us Leon - The Professional (one of the world’s perfect films), La Femme Nikita (not the fucking TV show, the original, and my lord the still great) and The Fifth Element - as well as a ton of other films. Possibly my favorite writer/director, at least one of them, a new Besson film is a cause for celebration. Oh, just to mention, he did the perfectly fun and really enjoyable Arthur and the Invisibles as well. Anyway! Besson! Buy it for people you love! Because it’s a Besson film. Fuckers.
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So for real? Gift Guide starts Monday.

DISCLAIMER: Every day for the next bunch I will post a Holiday Gift Guide entry, until there are 12. They will only show up on weekdays. It will contain gifts of all sorts that I find I don’t see in many gift guides and will have links to where to buy the items. The final item will be the “self-pimp”, a link to fiction that either I have written or a friend of mine has.

If you have an idea for a strange gift, feel free to mail me, but send me a link to a store people can buy it, and a description.

Also, if you own any of the items, any of them at all, please speak up! People will love to have input along the lines of what you do and don’t like about a certain item. So speak up and share your feelings on things.

So let’s start!

A nifty lock de-icer and flashlight. That’s right, now you can de-ice your car locks even in the dark! Which is pretty handy, if you ask me. I don’t own a car, of course. But if I did own a car, I bet the locks would ice up a lot. Yup. $11.50 each, 2 or more for $10.50 each.
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Chopsticks. Not the best travel chop sticks. No to be fair those are the cool ones that disassemble, but I’ve linked to those in the past. These I link to mostly because of the name: Streamside Sushi Sticks. Not chop sticks, sushi sticks. Buh? Anyway. $14.50 each or two or more for $13.50 each.
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Alien finder watch. This might be my pick for how to not make a watch. And yet, I still kinda want one. See you press the button and it flashes and lights up and shit. And then you can learn to read it to even tell the time.

From the site: At the top of the screen the Red & White DNA helix is made of 12 bars to indicate the hour. At the bottom of the watch display the Blue blocks indicate 5 minutes each, while the Green blocks represent 1 minute. There are also indicators for AM/PM and seconds. The Alien DNA % shows the Date, so 12.05% is December the 5th. During the animation sequence all the numbers rotate as they calculate the percentage of Alien DNA.

I mean come on! But still. Only $138.26 if you want one for someone.

No Gift Guide today. Sorry. It’ll get back no track soon. I just haven’t had the time needed to dig enough to find the cool stuff recently.

DISCLAIMER: Every day for the next bunch I will post a Holiday Gift Guide entry, until there are 12. They will only show up on weekdays. It will contain gifts of all sorts that I find I don’t see in many gift guides and will have links to where to buy the items. The final item will be the “self-pimp”, a link to fiction that either I have written or a friend of mine has.

If you have an idea for a strange gift, feel free to mail me, but send me a link to a store people can buy it, and a description.

Also, if you own any of the items, any of them at all, please speak up! People will love to have input along the lines of what you do and don’t like about a certain item. So speak up and share your feelings on things.

So let’s start!

The Flipperoo Clock. “This is a dang sweet analog clock with flipping dates. We drew a whole bunch of numbers and little surprises on the flip things.” They come in three colors and each color is limited to 200 pieces. $60.
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Yes, it’s an eye pillow. It’s also shaped like a puppy. they have them shaped like cats as well. $17.95 for a strange eye pillow. Why? Why not?
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It’s uhh a toad purse.. $26.95, which should be $24.95 if it were me pricing things. But it isn’t. Anyway. Toad purse.
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That’s it for today.

Somehow Post 2 got wiped and then readded today. I have no clue what the hell happened either. Anyway. Moving on…

DISCLAIMER: Every day for the next bunch I will post a Holiday Gift Guide entry, until there are 12. They will only show up on weekdays. It will contain gifts of all sorts that I find I don’t see in many gift guides and will have links to where to buy the items. The final item will be the “self-pimp”, a link to fiction that either I have written or a friend of mine has.

If you have an idea for a strange gift, feel free to mail me, but send me a link to a store people can buy it, and a description.

Also, if you own any of the items, any of them at all, please speak up! People will love to have input along the lines of what you do and don’t like about a certain item. So speak up and share your feelings on things.

So let’s start!

It’s the Avenging Narwhal Play Set, from Archie McPhee (who else?). $12.95 per set, and well… full of McPhee goodness. Fuckin’ Narwals.
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It’s a peeler. It’s a bird. It is not a plane, nor is it Superman. Anyway, ya. It’s a peeler. Supposedly the handle, though bird shaped, is quite comfortable. The curved peeler seems fairly useful as well. $9.95, for a bird peeler. Peeling birds not recommended.
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Carabiner pens are cool. You know this, in your heart, to be true. It’s a pen, but it’s a carabineer. $7.50 each, buy 2 or more for $6.50 each. And for that price it makes a fun stocking stuffer that people can attach to things and then forget so when they say “I don’t have a pen” you can scoff and point out the carabiner pen they clipped to their bag months ago and forgot about. Get that? Free scoffing with purchase.
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Already Been Chewed Cookie Cutters. How horrible and tempting is that idea, I ask you? $11.99 gets you an assortment of 4. Just so very wrong. And wonderful.
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Self-Pimp time!

Adrienne Jones’ The Hoax is a winding novel of suspense, intensity and has left at least one person agog. No lie! They claim to have been left agog! Dude.

Anyway, to be fair here I have not yet read The Hoax. I plan to. I just know that Mizz Jones is damned smart, knows her shit and a ton of people I trust all love the book. So why don’t you?

The Book Desc: How well do you know your closest friends? Are they loyal? Are they trustworthy? Are they human? A magnetic false prophet with an unnatural power to enchant; a government agent trying to profile an inhuman breed of terrorist; an otherworldly mastermind posing as an out of work beach bum. And the man in the middle, Patrick Obrien, a humble accountant who discovers his best friends are more than they seem. As he struggles to escape their trap to use him in a global catastrophe scheme, Patrick finds himself ensnared by the FBI agent, who pits him against the very people he is running from.

All right, sorry. Short one today, but two good items, I promise.

DISCLAIMER: Every day for the next bunch I will post a Holiday Gift Guide entry, until there are 12. They will only show up on weekdays. It will contain gifts of all sorts that I find I don’t see in many gift guides and will have links to where to buy the items. The final item will be the “self-pimp”, a link to fiction that either I have written or a friend of mine has.

If you have an idea for a strange gift, feel free to mail me, but send me a link to a store people can buy it, and a description.

Also, if you own any of the items, any of them at all, please speak up! People will love to have input along the lines of what you do and don’t like about a certain item. So speak up and share your feelings on things.

And with that… we start!

This rocking chair by Ona sure gets a second look. Yes, it’s a $450 rocking chair, but look at it. If you want a strange and unusual rocking chair this one pretty much sums up the notion. You can get it in red, black or neon (which is green).

Why would you want it in neon green?
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Yes, it is Play-Doh Cologne. Limited Edition stuff, to mark the 50th anniversary of Play-Doh, this spray cologne smells like Play-Doh. Which can’t be hard to do, can it? It’s like piecrust with a bit more salt.

But still, if you want 5 year olds all over to have the sudden urge to gnaw on you, you could do worse than to buy a bottle of this crap at $18.99 and… wait. Don’t sell it to Michael Jackson! OH NOES!
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Self-pimp!

Strange Angel, book one : Genesis is available for purchase. Horror-web said “This book f*cken rocks!!!!”

Take one teenage girl. Take one other force. Mix liberally. Add in friends, family and school. And bad guys. Then toss in a dash of big flaming wings and some fun.

Now you’re getting it. Strange Angel 1 is the first novella in a series of three. The second is also out now, the third is out in March. They were a blast to write: full of explosions and my occasional take on a Buffy-like (but very much not Buffy) situation.

“Move over Joss Whedon! With Strange Angel Adam P. Knave delivers a spellbinding mix of raw-edged pulp and comic book heroics bristling with wit and surprises that bring a whole new twist to female supernatural avengers and the timeless battle between good and evil.” –James Chambers, author of “The Midnight Hour”

And I love that quote except for the part where it seems to say Joss Wheaton should move over. For what? So I can fetch his paper? I mean… me. Wheaton. One is a big powerful writer. One is me. Whatever. Anyway. A lot of people really like the series, including me (and trust me if I list a story I don’t like but just want you to buy I’ll tell you) and it makes a good holiday gift. Yup.

All right, here we are. Except a variation of this intro every day. Still, for the next 12 weekdays (counting this as 1) I will do one post with a bunch of gift items for the holiday season. They may not be feasible, they may be very cheap or very pricey. They will also be… well mostly… different. No socks here, unless they are made of bacon. No ties unless they can also be used as an umbrella, go it?

There will also be a final gift, in each entry, that will be something either written by me or by someone I like and feel like promoting. Why? Because I can.

If you have an idea for a strange gift, feel free to mail me, but send me a link to a store people can buy it, and a description.

Also, if you own any of the items, any of them at all, please speak up! People will love to have input along the lines of what you do and don’t like about a certain item. So speak up and share your feelings on things.

And now we’re off!

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This first day, though, is gonna be kinda strange. There will be two items and only two. One is a special item and one is the daily self-pimp. First the item!

The Lime Project

Heather has Hodgkin’s disease. It’s a cancer of the lymphatic system. Sadly her salary doesn’t pay the hospital bills she has racked up trying to stay alive. So a bunch of her friends got together and thought about how they could help her.

They decided to get naked. Don’t you wish your friends helped you like that?

So they stripped on down and made a calendar. Each calendar costs $20 plus $5 shipping. You can also just go donate if you don’t want a calendar but do want to help. So why help? Aren’t there hundreds of people asking for your help all the time? Sure. How do you choose? I don’t know. I can get annoyed when people put this sort of thing forth to me all the time, myself. This one, however, contains boobs. I have a feeling this elevates it in many minds right up to a worthy cause. Whatever. I am not going to even ask you to buy a calendar. That isn’t the idea of the gift guide. I simply point out things that would make a good gift. alt.models are hot right now. Regular women doing a nude calendar is actually a decent market corner by itself. So if you are looking for one, here it is!

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Today’s self pimp will be:

Crazy Little Thing
(click cover to buy)
I wrote this one back a few years ago but I also know we are not planning to print any more, currently. So there is a good chance that this is your LAST SHOT at getting a copy unless you find Die Monster Die! books at a convention and there are some spares hidden. If it does get reprinted somewhere else, there’s a chance it won’t have the wonderful art this edition has. Seriously, this should be grabbed while it can be.

Horror-web gave it a 4.5 out of 5. I consider it probably my favorite story that I’ve gotten to do so far. Not that I don’t love the rest, but this one holds a special place for me. $6.95 lands you a copy, and hey free shipping.