Please note going in, oh yes a disclaimer, that there are many great reviewers who will probably disagree with my methods. For all I know I am the only one who does things this way so this should in no way be taken as “what to do” but rather “what I do”.

I like reviewing things. To an extent I am sure we all do. At its basic level reviewing is just telling other people what we thought of something, and who doesn’t like to talk about things they both did and did not enjoy? It’s fun! So yeah, reviewing.

Right now I tend to only review books. I do work for Publishers Weekly and for SFReader.com and they are such vastly different concepts of reviews that it makes me want to pick it apart. Which is not to say I only ever review things for those places - but they are the focus of my professional reviews, which are different from me fucking around and reviewing flashlights.

The first step is, obviously, reading the book. The whole book. Cover to cover, no exceptions. Every word is read. SFReader lets me pick the books I review, so that’s not a problem. PW sends me the books my editor decides I should review. Sometimes those books are grand! Sometimes I hate them with a burning passion. It doesn’t matter. They each get read as closely as every other one.

While reading I mean to take notes. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I will put markers in pages to find them later. A lot of times I just hold the book in my head. Most times I do. It isn’t the best practice but it’s how I operate. It makes me read closer and pay more attention, forcing myself to keep it all balanced.

When reading a book to review I only read one book at a time. It does limit the number of reviews I can do (at my max I am at about a book a week) but it is worth the cost to me. I get to remember the books this way. It would, for me, suck to read so much so fast just for reviews, that I can’t recall the books themselves at all.

Then comes the review itself. First I will discuss how the reviews are all the same, then we’ll get into the differences.

Any book reviewed is thought about, while reading, of course. But I ask myself certain questions:

• What did the book try to do and how close did it get?
• Were the characters fleshed out enough?
• Was the plot fleshed out enough?
• What was the language use like?
• Did the pacing help or hurt?
• How did the author handle different types of scenes (action, drama, dream sequences, etc)?
• How was the prose itself?
• Who was the book written for (fans of history, car lovers, etc) and will they like the book, regardless of my own preference?
• When was the book written? (Sorry but a book written in the 50s is thought of differently than one written yesterday. You can get away with some things in the 50s you couldn’t now and vise versa. That has to be taken into account.)
• Other stuff - because sometimes other considerations occur to me based on book.

After that I start writing. This is where they differ. A review for PW is roughly 200 words long. It’s that long so my editor has a bunch of options to slice and dice. Those 200 words have to delve into the plot, discuss character, get across the feel of reading the book, discuss the book itself some and give my opinion. In 200 words. It’s an interesting process and it forces me to think and rethink every single word choice I make.

Then I have to source everything. Yes, if a review says that “Bob’s quest to meet angels takes readers on a madcap ride through his mental states” I need to give my editor the page number were I can show that Bob is looking for angels and that his mental states are explored in conjunction with that. At the least. Sourcing is something PW does that keeps their reviewers hard-line honest and it preserves the integrity of the reviews. You may not like what they say but you can be sure it was accurate, factually. I once had a plural cut out because my source only showed a singular. Seriously. It was also the right edit to make. Now I know better.

SFReader lets me use as many words as I want. I can ramble a bit, let my personality shine in the reviews and play around. I don’t source things for them, but I do when writing the review, oddly enough. PW has trained me now. I source just for myself, so that I know I am not fucking around. The reviews are longer (400-1000 words) and so they are easier, I can drop into a more conversational tone.

But here’s the thing: Both reviews will say the same thing, just differently. I try to be endlessly fair while also knowing that some things aren’t good. To wit: I have given books I don’t like at all good reviews because I know the audience for the book and though it isn’t me I can see what they would get out of it. I have also given books I like reviews that are weaker because once you strip away to the core I had to admit the book wasn’t really fantastically done I just had a mad love for it. And I’ll admit to that mad love, as best I can, but also be honest about the suckage of the work.

So yes. Fair. I am fair. I am also ethical. I disclosed that an author I reviewed was a friend of a friend. Does it change the review? Not one bit. But I will upfront that in case my editors have an issue with it and worry about the conflict of interest. No, when I’m working I don’t care how good a friend you are - the review is the same as if you were an unknown creature, or an enemy. The book is what matters, not the author. But still. I upfront it.

So there you go. In order to review books I read them. Then I think about them. Then I write about them. Somehow that took like 1,000 words to say. You see, now, why PW limits us to 200, right?

It’s easier to destroy than to create. That’s fairly obvious, I would like to think. But here’s the thing, and this ties into a whole bunch of shit so this might be rambling as all hell, it must not be obvious. Or people just don’t give enough of a fuck to work for it.

Because all around I see people dipping into the negative attack approach. As a default, as a way to get response, as a way to entertain and prove how smart and witty they are. It’s kinda pathetic, really.

Sure, you can decide you don’t like something. But when you start insulting it up and down the chain because you didn’t like it and refuse to be open to the concept that anyone could ever like it just because you don’t? You’re a dick.

Hope is a good thing. Being positive is a good thing. Seriously.

Where’s the harm in being honest? If something isn’t for you, then it isn’t. Maybe you feel it is the worst thing ever written/filmed/recorded but obviously other people don’t. Is it that impossible to honestly approach it and see what they see in it, even if it isn’t for you? And to then be honest about it and instead of cutting everything down back off for a second and look for the decent side?

Naw, that’s too much like work, I guess. I expect too much of people, I know.

But in my writing I focus on hope, on love and on the concept that the human spirit is one bad-ass cool fucking weapon. Bad things still happen to good people. People lose, get hurt, get fucked over and everything else in the spectrum of human experience. But it never eliminates hope and love and willpower, even when they are twisted, they still exist and exert a pull over everything.

I write, like all writers, my ideal world. It doesn’t mean a land of rainbows and unicorn farts, it just means that when I write I create universes where these are the cardinal ruling forces.

But I would feel like a hypocrite if I spent a ton of my time and career pushing a world view I didn’t push in my personal life as well. I want it all, you see. And so I say to you now: Hope is cool. Feeling good is cool. Being happy is also cool.

Life is made of the good and the bad and it is easier to remember the bad - it has a bigger footprint in our lives, most times. But when you have five bad things and two really good ones happen shouldn’t you focus on the two instead of the five? What do you gain by dwelling on the bad shit and letting it eat you alive and color your focus? What’s the upside? And that isn’t to say no one should ever be negative, either. People have to process things and sometimes negative helps you refocus. In short bursts. To resort the stuff going on. Sure. Negative can even be healthy. Just not as a long term, every day solution.

And yeah it is harder to focus on the upside and no one gets it right all the time. That’s human. But I just don’t get why people don’t try more. Why they’re content to make themselves suffer, to spread bullshit and hate and negativity around like it somehow made them nice to be around. It doesn’t. It’s weak and easy and sad.

Which isn’t to say that nothing is ever bad. Oh no, there are many things that are just bad. Others may still like them, but they’re bad - badly done in ways that are less opinion and more craft related. Even they tend to have an upside. Is it terrible to take the time to point it out and not spew venom over everything?

I dunno. I am a cynic a lot of the time, and a bastard and sometimes just plain mean. I am also hopeful and try every day to do a little better by the universe and myself. To work a bit harder, have more fun (that is my major life goal, for the record: have more fun every year than I did the previous year) and get to where I’m going.

That dichotomy isn’t bad, it isn’t a deal-breaker, it just means you have to learn that being hopeful and letting yourself explain things doesn’t mean you can’t also go and laugh at a baby falling on its face. Trust me, you can. I have.

I guess I just don’t understand it. I hear friends tell me that things are going bad, but when you tally it they seem to skip the good things as never that good and the bad is always that bad. The same with reviews of movies and books (and I intend to do a post about how I review books soon) and so on.

My life is far from perfect. Very far in fact. But I love it, enjoy it and have fun. And I keep at it, and keep pushing myself. If I don’t what are my options? Sitting where I am, never moving, only bitching that other people are? That doesn’t feel like it’s worth spending a life on.

I work all the time, day job and writing all night. I am always busy, I get frustrated with it and want to snap and start screaming at least once a month. I never have enough time to do everything I want to do and can barely keep up sometimes. I still make time to relax, at least once a week, and I pay for that. How much would it suck if this weren’t my life? I would be bored. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. So I work to fine the enjoyment in everything I do, and make the most out of it.

It’s harder to create than it is to destroy. But creating is fuckloads more fun.

Well, it’s Valentine’s Day. The day when you are supposed to tell people you love them and give out gifts of all sorts to help prove that love. So in that spirit: I love you.

You can decide if you believe me or not. Now, I’m not gonna be all bitter about Valentine’s Day or all sappy. Sorry, both camps will have to find other hawkers for their wares today.

Instead I find myself thinking back to grade school. You know we used to do that little thing where you would buy Valentines and then give them to people. I don’t know where the money went, I don’t know what we raised it for and maybe the nuns had a backroom that we didn’t know about and they played craps at night with our hard-earned funds laughing at the foolish children and their predilection for paper hearts. Maybe.

But that’s not the point.

No, really it was that even if you were the kid who never got a single heart, it was fun. Well, sure it was less fun for that kid but the teacher would sneak an extra heart thing in for that kid so he didn’t ever know. I only know that because I saw it happen once. I didn’t tell. This might be the first time I’ve told, so uhhh, if you went to school with me and were in the 4th grade with me and only got one heart and didn’t know who it was from and… yeah sorry to reveal that bit of news to you now. My bad.

These days its little internet widgets (and for the record I typed “midgets” three times there) that will let strangers and friends tell you how much you rock. The ego boost is a good thing. You rock. You really do. I should know. Don’t ask about how and don’t look for the camera behind your dresser, just accept that I know these things and move on.

So today is the day of love. The day of special promises and presents and loneliness and wistful thinking - all at once. If I could buy you each a box of chocolate and some roses I… I wouldn’t, but I would be a hell of a lot richer than I am and then I could do cool things with my money and abuse some power. So that’s a shame, right there, that I can’t. But in my heart, where I don’t actually have to worry about the reality of the money, I would totally buy you each something cool to celebrate the day.

Even the people I don’t like.

You know why? Everyone deserves some love. At least one day a year, everyone should feel loved. It may be false, pre-packaged and shrink-wrapped love, but it would still be love that they deserve.

So really, I hope you feel loved today. In some way, by someone or something. And if you don’t, if you need an extra burst of love today to get you through the afternoon, you just let me know and I’ll come in with some love for you. That’s my promise for today. I will love you, even if no one else does.

(The Mgt. is not responsible for the quality, perceived or real, of the love given, or the amount, form or shape of that love. The Mgt. also refuses to apologize for any trauma the freely given love may cause, as well as rashes, burning, itching or tearing. This offer of love is valid for one day only and may include things not normally describable as love to most. Redeem at your own risk.)

If you play with fire, you’re gonna get burned.

But if you don’t play with fire… you’ll never get to play with fire.

I don’t think Joanie really did love Chachi.

I need someone who can build a site with me. Seriously. Collaborative project. I just need things done that I can not do. So I need someone who can build a site, do some graphics work (including drawing) and work with a bunch of existing tools that would have to be found - specifically along the “draw things in this webapp and save them” genre of things. As well as build the overall project and breathe life into it with me.

So please if you can do this and are interested let me know. If you know someone who can, send them my way. This is gonna be a biggish one.

adampknave (at) gmail (dot) com

What’s the other half of the battle?

Saw that Richard Kadrey had a new book out: Butcher Bird: A Novel Of The Dominion. This excites me to no end considering he wrote Metrophage.

Metrophage is one of those books that hits you like a hammer to the face. Cyberpunk, sure. It’s also a drug haze, a total shared hallucination of a novel. It’s out of print but it isn’t hard to put your hands on a copy, and if you like the genre at all you probably should. It’s like Neuromancer but really also like Vurt. I haven’t re-read Vurt in a while. I should do that. Anyway. Metrophage is a wonderful fucking book.

So when I saw Butcher Bird I had to buy it. Any book where the main character laments that it was a bad day to stop smoking crack has some potential. It’s Kadrey doing jazz again, with more horror mixed in to his streets. Gah, fantastic. Just fantastic.

Of course I had to pick up The Road to Madness for research for a project. So I did. That oughta be fun. I can’t discuss it yet, but there you are.

I am not a big Lovecraft fan, in general. I like some of the things he did, really the way he did them more than anything, but I’ve never been a big fan of his writing. Still, I’m here with a Lovecraft collection, studying one particular story. Only one.

It will come in handy.

Muahahahaha!

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In other news: not much. I have a lot of shit to do, still. It seems like no matter how much I get done I don’t get anywhere. That might mean it’s time to drink more. I don’t know. It might not, too.

I was thinking of origin stories recently though. Again for a project, of course. I don’t think anymore unless I have a project to think about. That’s sad but there you go. Anyway, thinking. Origin stories.

They’re mostly useless aren’t they? I mean how many superhero movies are nothing but a long origin story? And well sure you might think we have to set up this whole world, right?

But action movies don’t bother. They set the world by showing it to you. They teach you about the character through their actions and bits of back-story layered into the story itself. They don’t spend 90 minutes showing you how someone ends up in a fucking suit.

I’m bored with origin stories. A few of them are critical to the character: Spider-Man (it’s a transformative origin. Seeing who he was beforehand is crucial to understanding him in ways that dollops of back-story can’t quite convey), Batman, I guess is another. Superman maybe? Iron Man, again for the transformative aspect. But the Fantastic Four? Come on! Who cares? I don’t need to see everyone get powers and deliver some form of the following:

“Wow we have powers! How do we use them?! What do they do?! Oh noes! What are we going to do! Is there a villain who was accidentally created at the exact same time as us we have to fight!?”

Because it’s always the same. It’s time to move on. Tell a story, fill it in as needed and layer when appropriate.

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This dog hates you.

All right, question time.

In Canada there is no paper money below a fiver. Everything lower is change: Loonies and toonies and so on.

So what do Canadians do in strip clubs?

I mean a wad of singles, here in the US is considered “stripper money”. That’s what such a wad is for. Folding and sticking in various elastic bands of various flimsy articles of clothing.

So do Canadians only reward strippers with fives and up? They can’t be shoving coins into waistbands, that would only end in issues. Do they pelt the stripper with coins? Like a stoning?

I need to know how this works!