You know why I don’t go to cons much? I don’t like people. I mean, I just generally don’t. And cons seem to have a larger than normal collection of people who manage to drive me quietly up a wall.

The main two, recently, have been:

The people who tell you how much better people who go to cons are than everyone else. They are, according to these people: Smarter, funnier, more adaptable, more open-minded, better equipped for life and overall more wonderful people.

These are often the same people who will then berate people who don’t like [genre of thing here] as “Mundanes” and then continue to tell you how they are so far above people. You know, let me let you in on a little fucking secret. Calling 90% of the planet by a cutesy put-down of a name does not endear you as the wise inheritor of the planet.

If you want to tell me how you realize everyone is the same and how we’re all just people, no matter the things we like or how we dress - then try acting it. Otherwise you are wasting my time making pretty speeches and shitting on them at the exact same time. Which is impressive, from a head-up-ass standpoint, but only from that angle.

I just don’t get it. And this often comes from people I would otherwise judge as good people to hang about with. But then these lines come out and you see the real scorecard. They think they’re better than everyone else, simply because they like a TV show, type of book or the cut of some historical jib. And it’s true in any fandom. People convince themselves that THEIR fandom makes them BETTER. It doesn’t. Sorry. It really fucking doesn’t.

We’re all folk. We all have a thing we enjoy. Taa. Fucking. Daa. Now stop being so forcibly special and sit the hell down and enjoy yourself, honestly.

The other type of person that has been bugging me recently is the dreadfully under socialized human. There are a lot of them at conventions and yes I know about the whole Asperger link and so on but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about people who know how to carry a conversation, you can watch them do it, but they will also refuse and tell you too much, keep going and never let something go until they tell you what they want to tell you. They will just also try like hell to not make it seem like they want to tell you the thing they end up telling you, but that it is simply where they ended up.

Bullshit. You have forced your way into telling people something that no one wanted to hear. Why not just say it outright in one sentence? No that wouldn’t do. You have to dole it out over a 15 minute claw and hammer style fest and make me want to kick you in the head.

“This lighting reminds me of a good time.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah, it was this really great party.”

“That sounds awesome.” At which point a previous conversation with someone else has picked back up. But no. No that won’t stop the force of this story.

“You know when lighting reminds you of something?”

“Uhm. Yeah.”

“This is like that. It reminds me of this great party.”

“Right. Thanks.” In other words: shut the fuck up.

“It was great because I met this girl there and well…” And a smirk. And a refusal to notice that everyone else is talking about something else. Forcibly. “The lighting, it dimmed just when, it looked like this then, right when, heh, something really special happened.”

Ok. Did I need to know you got blown in a room lit like this one? Nope. Did I want to know? Nope. Did anyone nearby want to know? Not in the slightest. But you not only had to tell people, you had to do it slowly. You want to tell that story again without drawing it out and making people REALLY want to kill you? Try this:

“Man, this lighting. Reminds me of this party. I got blown. The lighting totally reminds me of that. Ever get that?”

Now we all know too much, can say “No,” and turn away and be done with it. We still don’t want to know but at least it wasn’t dragged out for even longer. But no, so many people at cons don’t get that. They don’t know how to converse, how to tell a story or when no one wants to hear one. You don’t have to jump in all the time to be heard, you don’t have to comment on everything to be thought of as smart. It’s all right. Relax, unclench and go with it. People will then want to talk to you.

God I don’t like people much. I need to lock myself away, or drink. Or both.