I won an award once. I was in 2nd grade. There was a big event, I don’t know how many schools were involved, but it was at least two, counting mine. It was 2nd grade, what do you want from me.

I won an award for spelling.

Those who know me can now stop laughing long enough to breathe. I really did. It was a gold painted plastic trophy, on a fake marble base, that stood at least 5 inches tall. It had a generic plaque without my name on it.

It is the only trophy I have ever gotten, and the only award I have ever actually won. And it taught me something. I never want to win another award.

See I won that award and I haven’t been able to spell since! I mean, it’s just bad luck. I am convinced if I win an award for something I will lose the skill associated with that award. Convinced.