Some day I want to be just like you, Jem!

That’s… well I mean that simply won’t happen, Jan.

What? Why not?

Hey, I’m not saying you aren’t … something. I mean you have some rage based problems, where you… well you kinda…

Are you making fun of the fact I turn into JanHulk?

Of course not. No, no no no. I’m just saying that despite that you’re missing some key aspects to being like me.

Like what?

It’s complicated.

No it isn’t.

huh?

Jem is pretty. She has great hair, nice skin, fantastic legs and one hell of a voice. She can also shoot goddamn lasers out of her goddamned eyes.

Well but I…

You? You’re short, mild, normal, mousey, your legs are kinda stumpy to be honest and you sound like a braying donkey when you sing. I also don’t recall a single eye-laser moment. Not one.

RRrrrrrrr!

You might have been a bit harsh there, ya think?

You want me to coddle the also-ran?

RRRRRRRRR JAN SMASH!

Should we do something?

What? Run? Hell no. Batman doesn’t run.

But he does talk about himself in the 3rd person.

Bad habit. but no I won’t run.

JAN SMASH PUNY LONG EARS!

Ha! She only wants you. I’m safe.

JAN SMASH KISS-LIKE SINGER!

Oh no she didn’t!

Oh yes she did. So anyway. Did you see BSG the other week?

We should run!

Naw. So, seriously, I think Alfred is a Cylon.

What?! Why would you think that?! Why aren’t we running?

Bat JanHulk repellent.

You’re fucking with me.

No, see the can?

Does that work?

Let’s see. Hey Jan! Sniff this!

UGH! JANHULK RUN AWAY FROM STINKY CAN!

It works.

Why the fuck do you have Bat JanHulk repellent on you?

Well. See, that was JanHulk. And I needed to repell her. You really don’t get this whole superhero gig, do you?

I’m not the idiot who thinks his butler is a Cylon!

Well, he was acting funny!

That’s it? That is your entire defense? He was acting funny?

Well I’m not gonna find out if his spine glows when he gets off, no.

Oh God, that’s an image seared into my brain.

I have Bat Memory eraser if you need it.

That’s a mirror.

Fire your lasers at it.

But then I’d…

Lobotomize yourself, solving the problem. Yes.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Nothing! I’m a problem solver! You had a problem! I solved it! Cylon whore!

Freak.

Skank.

I’m out of here.

I’m not. Batman doesn’t run.

You are such a child.

I WAS A CHILD WHEN MY PARENTS WERE KILLED IN FRONT OF MY EYES!

Aww cry me a fucking river. Whiner. Wah wah wah, my parents died, I’m all alone and filthy rich, I have a bat fetish, wah wah wah. Sing a new song, looser. God, you should join the Misfits but they wouldn’t TAKE YOU!

I could join that group if I wanted. I’m Batman.

Lemme guess, the BatEgo is being used?

I hate you.

Ditto.

Let’s make out.

Just keep the mask on, freak.