So last summer, August 2007, we kinda, sorta, maybe, almost coulda nuked ourselves. No, really. Way to go Team U.S.A.!

(Via Military.com):

…on Aug. 31, 2007, when crews loaded six live nuclear warheads onto a B-52 bomber and flew from Minot Air Force Base in North Dakota to Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana, cruising over the nation’s heartland. Each warhead was 10 times more powerful than the atomic bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki during World War II.

During the analysis of the incident by the Defense Science Board (DSB), released this month, the ugly truth came out: America’s nukes are so neglected that they are stored alongside conventional missiles, with nothing but an 8.5 x 11-in. sheet of paper to differentiate the two. The last day in August, Air Force personnel loaded the nuclear warheads on a routine repositioning of weapons stocks, believing them to be cruise missiles.

The system of checks and balances has degraded to a point that six of the planet’s most powerful weapons were missing for 36 hours — and no one noticed until they had landed in Louisiana. “The process and systemic problems that allowed such an incident have developed over more than a decade and have the potential for much more serious consequences,” the report warns.

So all right. There was a slight error. We loaded some nuclear warheads onto a plane flying over our own country. Six of them. Now, shit happens. I mean, no one is perfect right?

No! No, if you are dealing with nukes you damn well better be closer to perfect than this! Bottom fucking line! And to think, the big sign? A piece of printer paper. Way to go Air Force!

So let’s get this straight, we store nukes in easily accessible places, next to conventional missiles cause we’re just that dumb. I mean, seriously! How stupid do you have to be to be careless with nukes?

The staff at Minot Air Field had neglected to follow procedure for the sake of saving time. The verification of weapons — what kind, what warheads they carry, their armament status — should take about 45 minutes, and be performed before anything else happens.

“But, over time, to speed the process, breakout and convoy crews had established a process of concurrent activity,” the report states. “In this case, the breakout and convoy crew [at Minot] were connecting the trailer to the tow vehicle while the initial status verification was under way.” The checks had become pro forma, and a near disaster slipped through.
…

The task force noted that members “could find no written directive that specifically described the required identifying means [to tell an inert missile from one with a live warhead].” Also, there is only one checklist for verifying the various kinds of missiles that can be loaded onto a B-52 — live, inert, training and test devices. Nukes are treated the same as disarmed missiles when it comes to verifying armament.

Well, fuck a doodle-do. Ok, so this great sign must have not been to good. I mean that is what this comes down to, right? We don’t really care that the Air Force keeps the nukes on the same shelf as the normal missiles, the cheese in a can and the paper party hats, right? That’s to be expected. These are people who deal with nuclear missiles all the time, so what if they leave them out?

Wait, why are the nukes out? Shouldn’t there have to be some big fucking special room with multiple guys standing around getting calls on red phones just to load these fuckers? Ah well. That shit won’t change. I still say the sign is key. To that end I have created a new sign for them to hang between the missile bays that may help some:. Military dudes! If you’re reading this feel free to print this out and hang it near nukes and shit!