Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it?

NO, SENSI!

NO, SENSI!

NO, SENSI!

NO, SENSI!

What do we study here?

THE WAY OF THE FIST!

And what is that way?

STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR.

Class, we have visitors. Fall in behind me. Hai! I hear you jumped some of my students last night.

I’m afraid you got your facts mixed up.

Are you calling Darth Vader a liar?

I’m not calling anyone anything.

What are you here for, old man?

I’ve come to ask you to leave Feldman alone.

What’s the matter, the boy can’t take care of his own problems?

One to one problem, yes. FIVE to one problem, too much to ask of anyone.

Is that what’s bothering you? The odds? Well, we can fix that. Feel like matching, Vader?

Yes, sensei!

No more fighting.

This is a karate dojo, not a knitting class. You don’t come into my dojo, drop a challenge and leave, old man. Now you get your boy on the mat, or you and I will have a major problem.

Too much advantage. Your dojo.

Name a place.

I know this place near some rocks… no! A Tournament.

You’ve got real nerve, old man. Real nerve. But I think we can accomodate you. Can’t we, Vader?

Yes, sensei.

I have one more small request.

Make it fast.

I ask that you leave Feldman alone to train.

You’re a pushy little bastard, ain’t ya? But I like that. I like that! All right. No one touches the prima donna until the tournament. Is that understood? But if you don’t show, it’s open season on him… and you.

————————–

First, wash Enterprise. Then wax. Wax on…

Hey, why do I have to…?

Ah ah! Remember deal! No questions!

Yeah, but…

Hai! Wax on, right hand. Wax off, left hand. Wax on, wax off. Breathe in through nose, out the mouth. Wax on, wax off. Don’t forget to breathe, very important. Wax on, wax off. Wax on, wax off.

————————–

Now, ready?

Yeah, I guess so.

Felddawg, we must talk. Walk on road, hm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later you’ll get squish just like a grape. Here, karate, same thing. Either you karate do “yes” or karate do “no.” You karate do “guess so,” you end up just like the grape. Understand?

Yeah, I understand.

Now, ready?

Yeah, I’m ready.

————————–

Use the Force. Sweep the leg.

But…

Do you have a problem with that?

No, Sensei.

No mercy.

***AFTER THE FIGHT***

Come on, that’s not fair! I got second place!

Second place? Second place is no place! You’re off the team!

That sucks! I did my best! I’m going back to the Emperor!

What?

I said I did my best!

You’re nothing! You lost! You’re a loser!

No, YOU’RE the loser, man!

How’s second place feel now?

Come on, he can’t breathe!

Sensei, please… you’re hurting him! He’s sorry, he really is, OK?

Let him go.

Yeah, Shatner’s right! Let him go!

Beat it, “Cap’n”… or you’re NEXT!

I said, LET HIM GO! “Mercy is for the weak… when man confronts you, he is enemy… enemy deserve no mercy.” Isn’t that what you said?

I’ll make you… kneel…

Oh, shut the fuck up. *honks Zod’s nose, walks away*