Hello. My name is Larry Appleton. I am here today to tell you about a danger that many people seem to simply laugh at. They don’t understand the problems that all families can face, and it is destroying America, not to mention Myposian, values.

Some of you might know me as a photographer. It’s true, I did have a gallery display and New Photographer named me Photog of the Year for three years running. My work with cats, horses and ice skaters has earned me fame and fortune around the world. So maybe you’ll listen to me and truly believe when I tell you that none of it is worth shit.

I apologize to the parents of the land for using such harsh language but in this case it is warranted. This is a strong problem and it needs strong people to solve it.

Many years ago my cousin, Balki, came to America and moved in with me. Oh the adventures we had! Nothing seemed to great to overcome and together, us two perfect strangers, grew and learned and explored the varieties of life - together.

We both found love and we both learned to truly be a family. It was a magical time in my life. One I look back on now as a tainted and wretched fulcrum, one I tipped over and slid down into the abyss because of.

What am I talking about?

Balkihol.

A distant cousin to alcohol, Balkihol is to vodka as jet fuel is to gasoline. At first I thought it wasn’t a problem. Life was rosy and I learned to enjoy the dance of joy. But we only did the dance of joy after several shots of Balkihol. That is what “joy” means in Mypos: Balkihol.

It was a few shots a week at first. I thought I could control it. But a few shots a week became a shot or two a day. A shot or two a day became a shot or two every few hours. Everything went dark. The world didn’t matter. My cameras were useless to me. My job, my love, my pants - all of them paled in comparison to the raw need that Balkihol opened in my soul.

I lived only for a drop of Balkihol.

Dancing every night, every morning and God help me, every afternoon. If you look at my face from that period you can see that deep down I knew there was a problem, unlike Balki, but I couldn’t help myself.

I am still embarrassed about how I behaved and the people I hurt. So please, people of the world, listen to me and avoid Balkihol at all costs. The life, the dignity, you save may be your own.