More 90210 thoughts, for the fuck of it.

Watched the next two episodes the other night and couldn’t stop laughing. In the first we meet Dylan who is, by turns: fantastically rich, utterly alone, a fighter, a surfer, a poet and a stand-up kinda guy. Basically he needs a cape and a blow-job and we’re done. Hey Brenda, we’re all out of capes!

Sorry.

Anyway, the whole episode is just… well it’s 90210 isn’t it? The mom is annoyed because she’s all alone, what with no job here. Why doesn’t she just get one then? They make reference to her having had a job in their old burg. But somehow here, no she doesn’t think it just suffers and hates being a housewife. Ok. Kelly is a bitch, Brendan makes friends with surfers and one of them is a girl he likes!

Of course she’s also a drunk and a loser who could be so special that even Dylan sees it! And if Dylan sees something special in you then you best listen, because he’s… shut yo mouth! I’m talkin’ ’bout Dylan.

Uhm so yeah. They go to the beach and girl gets drunk and her stupid friends leave her and then Brendan saves her life. And Brenda? Well she goes and calls 911. That’s all she does. Not that there isn’t something to be said for it but everyone is all “These two saved this girl’s life! They’re heroes!” Really? Brenda just kinda… hit 3 buttons and said “C’mere!”

In the second episode Brenda makes a new friend who is also a shoplifter and Brandon gets a job, that turns into another job. This thing is a mess in ways only 90210 manages. Sure you want to bring home that Brandon works for shit money but he has a choice and some of the people working with him don’t and that isn’t fair! And when he talks to Brenda about this and they discuss that and the fact they have a maid Brandon ends the conversation by saying “They’ll be all right.” That’s it. His own assurance that, all over the country, migrant workers working for less than minimum wage are out there but they’ll be fine so don’t think about them too hard. Thank god this show had deep social messages.

On the same level Brenda overacts to the motherfuckin’ hilt when she’s accused of shoplifting because the girl she was with was a shoplifter. She screams and flails her arms and generally hams up the stage all about how she wanted to steal but didn’t.

Except 90210 is here to go the extra mile.

In her English class they are reading Les Mis. SEE KIDS?! We’re on message! With famous books! We must be important! SEE?!

So anyway, later Brenda’s now ex-friend comes over and explains the whole thing to Brenda’s mom, who hasn’t called the store or the cops just has a bag of stolen goods in her foyer and hands them over to a teenager. For reals. And the teen tells her how Brenda is innocent. and Brenda listens from the upstairs and we see her getting emotional. Her friends leaves, never having seen Brenda and Brenda whispers “Thank you” to the closing door. No, Brenda, thank you.

Uhm, meanwhile Brandon quits his job and threatens his boss and then Dylan (remember him? THE SUPERHERO?!) takes him to this place that has real people and real food” where Brandon quickly gets a new job. Yes folks, only episode 3 and we’ve hit the Peach Pit.

Meanwhile in other character news: Kelly is a bitch, Steve is an asshole, Donna has maybe half a scene, David is still three feet tall and ridonkulous and uhm… that about does it. God this show is magically stupid. And delicious.