“God,” I asked the other day, “why is there the Intardwebs?”

And God took a while to think about that one but eventually he called me back. God has me on speed-dial, bitches. “I gave that Interwebs thing some thought, Adam,” God said, “and I wanted to get back to you with a reason for it. Someone complied a list of every reason Banner turns into the Hulk on the old TV Show.”

“Every single reason?” I asked, stunned.

“Every fuckin’ one, man,” God assured me. “I mean, ‘Problems with flat tire’ is there as is ‘Being placed in a dumpster by the two garbage men who think he’s a thief, and who don’t believe him when he says “Hey! There are rats in here!”, and then being bitten by the rats to add injury to insult’ so you know that list is comprehensive.”

“Yeah but I bet they didn’t mention…”

“Thor? Yeah they have the Thor one in there.”

“Damn,” I told God, “that is pretty good.”

“Uhhh of course it is,” God said, “the fuck do you mean to imply? That I’d give you some shitty website? Who do you think I am?!”

“James Earl Jones?”

“I get that a lot, but no. Anyway,” God told me as he faded from view, “I gotta go damn some folk and then retroactively wipe the time machine from existence.”

“What? Why?”

“You abuse that shit. No, from here on in? You’ll all think 88mph in a Dolorean is a joke of some sort.”

“That’s cold.”

“That’s life. Go read some Hulk reasonings.”

“Peace out, God!”

“Peace out, Adam.”