Why do I love reading old Dazzler issues?

Is it because in the first two issues of her own book she fights the Enchantress (Thor bad guy, a minor God-type)? Or because the FF, Avengers, Spider-Man and X-Men all harass a guy so he’ll let her audition?

Nope.

Is it because not long after that she fights Doctor Doom?

Or that by issue 10 she ends up involved with Galactus?

No sir.

It’s because of her band. Marx, Hunch and Beefer.

Hunch was, I think, the bass player. Marx played guitar. I say I think because the art ain’t the best. Beefer was the drummer.

Now Beefer was a fat man with a white-fro. Every line he speaks and every thought balloon he has is about food. How he hopes they stop soon so he can eat, how he can’t get time to finish his lunch, how he’s hungry. Beefer is a one-man fucking storage unit of food.

I guess it kinda makes sense. They have stage names, I hope those are stage names anyway, and well…

Dazzler dazzles people, see?

Beefer enjoys a side of beef. So it all makes sense.

I suppose in future issues I will find out that Marx supports the proletariat through the use of his 6 strings. Hunch actually can’t play music, he just guesses. Or something. I don’t know. But they’re stage names.

Beefer. Marx. Hunch.

The band doesn’t get a name, like “the Fucking Rejeto-nauts” or anything. Though at one point they are seen playing under a giant sign that reads “ROCK AND ROLL” so maybe that is their secret name. Or they simply like the rock music. They might just like the rock music.

I also do love… there is an odd almost dig at the three stalwart musicians. We first hear they can’t really groove too well, they just met and have to “learn each other’s timings and grooves”. Then they get this random gig at a Western club, to which Dazzler tries to point out she plays fucking disco. She’s told to “improvise”. Didn’t I see that in a Blues Brothers movie?

Anyway.

So they all put on cowboy hats and play. And Dazzler comments to herself that her band sounds great, “like they have some Texas in ‘em.”

Holy shit, did her manager hire a country band by mistake? I mean they can’t play well together until they hit the country/western portion of the night? And then they fucking fly? Uhm. Though I wouldn’t think a country guitarist named Marx would get far.

Beefer. Marx. Hunch. Add Dazzler and you have the biggest collection of odd names in a band since KISS. Not that Dazzler had anything in common with KISS. Nope. Not like she wore face-paint like them or any…

Huh. Damn I love this book.