Hello, boys and girls, I am OPTIMISTIC PRIME. I’m here to explain life to you.

You see, back in the day I was always so angry, gruff and stern. “Autobots, roll out!” I would bark and transform into a big truck that would spew dark smoke into the air. That smoke killed birds, children. It did.

I was so serious, so full of a mission that, really, isn’t that important. What? Shooting people and running them over is the end all and be all of my life? Certainly not.

Which is when I made a change. I realized that life can be a glorious event! It can be wonderful and rich and funny and entertaining. Why just the other day I watched a squirrel. That was all, just watched a squirrel. He scampered around and climbed a tree and golly he was just so full of a simple joy.

There’s no more screaming of order for me. No, sir. Now it’s “Excuse me, gentle sentient robotic organisms. I think that perhaps our preferred course of action along this life path might include a restructuring of our systematics until we’re all cars and trucks, and then we can drive around in the sunshine!” And then Ironhide calls me a big pussy and we all laugh.

We laugh a lot more, these days.

Because life is beautiful, and fantastic and all of those glorious things that I will get to do, I might have missed had I never seen the light. Everything is so wonderful man. Everything!

Yes, children, I am OPTIMISTIC PRIME and I’m here to tell you not to worry, everything will work out. My gun shoots flowers now, for the record. And I ask before I load them, just in case they want to say no, those silly willy little flowers.