Hey Bill!

Hi, Cory.

That’s it? “Hi, Cory” is all I get? No Feldawg? No Feldiggity? Not a resounding cheer? Who crapped in your Wheeties?

J.J. Abrams.

Huh? But isn’t he directing the new Star Trek movie?

Exactly.

So? What? Don’t like your lines?

I’m not in it.

WHAT?!

Yup. I mean, sure, he cast a whole new cast and is restarting shit and what the fuck ever but, come on, he cast Nimoy, right? Nimoy is in it, but not me.

That’s some messed up shit, man.

Tell me about it. He casts Nimoy as an adult Spock but doesn’t want to include me at all? What the fuck is that about?

They’re redoing Knight Rider without me. I share your pain.

Really? Not even a cameo?

S’true.

Damn, guys, that sucks.

You know, Jimmy Doohan was in Knight Rider 2000.

No lie?

Yeah he was. Nice guy.

Salt of the Earth.

So what are you guys gonna do?

I guess I’ll go stand around in Germany and be loved.

I’ll keep doing, shit what is it now, Boston Legal, I suppose. And filming Horrorween.

Horrorween? That title is iffy.

But the paycheck ain’t.

Booyah!

Can I get a what what?

What what?!

You know it.

Still, I mean come on they cast me in Lost Boys 2: The Tribe.

But not me.

Well, right, no I know, but…

But no one cares…

It isn’t that we don’t care, it’s just that…

You don’t care?

You understand me.

Well I care about you, Haim.

Huh? You do?

I do. Listen, I’m going back to Germany, and I’ll be surrounded by fans and maybe record a new CD and shit, maybe I’ll make my own movie. Why don’t you come with me?

Just… run away to Germany?

Live a little! It’ll be fun.

All right! Let’s go!

Those two are going to make beautiful music together.

You heard the Hoff’s music?

Fair enough. I meant it more in the spiritual sense, but you have a good point there.

I’ve heard Haim sing, man.

Bad?

Makes Steven Segal sound like … less of a dead cat, I suppose.

Damn, he does suck.

Hey, Bill, I’m sorry about the Star Trek shit.

It just stings, you know? But I’ll have the last laugh.

How’s that then?

I’ll sue ‘em, with my law firm.

Boston Legal is fiction, Bill.

Maybe they don’t know that, though.

Oh lord, you’ve snapped.

Shut it, Feldawg! To the Shatcave!

The what now?

So we can stop this dastardly crime!

Please tell me you don’t have spandex costumes already picked out…

Your outfit has a half-cape.

I hate you, Bill.

I know it, Feldawg.

Let’s ride! For justice!

For speaking roles!

For the fuck of it!

Booyah!