FOR GENERAL RELEASE

“the footnote” (www.thefootnote.net), the world renowned web site, today announced its latest staff change: Adam P. Knave has been promoted to Bearded Editor / Creative Consultant. The move comes not long after the announcement that Bigfoot could not serve as Bearded Editor due to legal hold-ups with the Sasquatch Company.

Dustin Grovemiller, “the footnote” (tfn) co-founder, managing editor, and web designer had this to say: “To say we are excited is too simple. I simply refuse to wear pants today. That should tell you something. Furthermore, this Adam P. Knave thing is all right, I suppose.”

D.J. Kirkbride, tfn co-founder, senior content editor, and town crier added: “I’m being attacked by ninjas!”

Adam P. Knave started his association with “the footnote” years ago, after pleading with Mr. Kirkbride for a chance. “He was this scruffy drunk bastard who kept calling me. Eventually I gave him a shot, if only to get him to stop threatening my ferrets. I don’t even own ferrets, ya’ know? Anyway,” Kirkbride continued, “it turned out decently, and we kept him around.”

“I didn’t even know he worked for us,” Mr. Grovemiller admitted, “until he mailed me and wanted to know where his check was. I asked Kirkbride, who sheepishly admitted the truth to me. We still don’t pay Knave, but I’ve taken to sending him my recyclables so he can get some spare cash.”

Knave has had many memorable moments with “the footnote” in his time. He worked for the site when Grovemiller wrote the hysterical Transmissions From My Childhood entry “He-Man: Does He Really Have the Power?” as well as being present when John Belden wrote “It’s Silly, But I Believe…” and Kirkbride wrote his infamous D.J. in Charge.

When speaking about his new position, Knave admitted to some trepidation. “I don’t really edit, you know? I mean, mostly I just … well, I send stuff to D.J. and Dustin, and they edit it. I think D.J. said something about my beard being a better editor than me, though, so maybe that’s what the title is about.”

When questioned about his new role as a creative consultant, Knave was more forthcoming. “I’m always saying, ‘I should write something funny next time,’ and ‘maybe the next column shouldn’t suck the life out of the room,’ so I do consult a lot about my lack of creativity.”

Knave also brings with him a healthy dose of leadership. “Sometimes, on Fridays … or Thursday … really the ones that end in ‘day,’ I guess, I’ll suggest things like ‘we should go out for drinks’ and ‘how about some drinks,’ those both have proven to be popular. I’m a leader that way. Except sometimes, I have to admit, they agree on a bar and then switch locations without telling me. Some days I notice.”

The internet, too, had a chance to weigh in on the new staffing change. “I trust Bendis even less now that he brought Hawkeye back,” raged HawkeyeFan7485. “I mean first he kills him and now he brings him back? How does that make sense! He never should have killed him at all! Adam P. Knave? Is he dead, too? Wait, he’s Ronin, right?”

“Adam P. Knave shouldn’t be let near a keyboard,” said Watcher93Moonface, “he isn’t in continuity, and I think he punched Superboy. Can I say Superboy?”

When questioned about the internet’s heated, if confused, reaction, Mr. Kirkbride only sighed, shook his head, and punched a dog in the face. Mr. Grovemiller concurred, but lacked an available dog.

“the footnote” updates monthly, on the first of the month.

http://www.thefootnote.net
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