All right. So there’s this movie. It’s about hockey. Women playing hockey. Here is the imdb summary:

The story takes the battle of the sexes into the hockey arena, as Paula Taymore - who almost once made the Olympic team - finds herself drawn into a challenge match against an irritating local men’s squad. Fresh from a painful divorce, and doubting herself, Paula must make a winner out of an explosive, irreverent crew of women hockey players who flock to her town, Red Deer Alberta, to assemble the team.

Not too bad, formula but you know it’s the sort of formula that makes for a decent rental.

I mean hell, the thing has Jason Priestley and Margot Kidder (not mixed together) in it. Doesn’t that give it some kind of odd 9021-oh-look-up-in-the-sky sheen to it? Maybe?

Anyway. The movie is fine sounding. Nothing special, nothing too horrible and unwatchable.

The tagline is The Puck Stops Here. which has to have been used for about 40 billion different things in Montreal alone.

But yeah. There ya go. Perfectly normal movie.

Except that it’s called CHICKS WITH STICKS. Now I know there is a whole knitting thing, a series of books, called the same thing but that isn’t a movie.

See, you go somewhere and you ask if they have CHICKS WITH STICKS for rent? You get a porn. You get a porn that has women who have, shall we say, a little something extra. You do not, under any circumstances, get a hockey movie.

Bad name. Fuck. CHICKS WITH STICKS. Ten inch sticks. Hard sticks. That they want to… just a bad name! Bad name!

It’d be like making a period drama about Victorian times and calling it EXPLOSIVE ASS PLAY SEVENTEEN. I mean, sure, the term was in use during the period as a normal every day saying that covered the wearing of stockings*, but it makes for the wrong impression as a movie title.

You have to be careful with this sort of thing.

Oddly, CHICKS WITH STICKS doesn’t seem to even be out on video. I would’ve rented it, too. Didn’t sound too bad at all.

* No, for serious. It was a French invention. The stocking bit, not ass play in general. Modern concepts of ass play were invented by the Chinese in the year 1072.

Holy shit, it’s a beer fridge! The HomePub Refrigerator is the sort of thing that we need: to save ourselves, our way of life and our mission as a people here on Earth.

The way they put it is a bit more humble, I suppose:

You might be wondering, why HomePub? Discover for yourself the many benefits that HomePub has to offer. This uniquely combined fridge freezer and draught beer system allows you to experience the convenience and pleasure of draught beer in the comfort of your own home!

It includes the following -

• No pressure changes
• Keeps beer cold, obviously
• Built in CO2 system to keep the beer adjusted properly
• Child safety device

This isn’t available in the U.S. as of yet. It costs about a grand. The thing keeps a mini-keg (5 litres) on a curved shelf and presto! Beer Fridge!

See, I mean come on, how is that not a magnificent idea? It also looks quite classy. I need two. I mean, what if had one and something went wrong with it? I would need an instant backup on short notice. So I need two, my logic is sound.

Now I just need them to be sold here, and for someone to pay for both of them. I mean, come on buy me one and I’ll uhhh buy you a beer? I don’t know.

Best. Fridge. Ever.

(via CNN.com): MUMBAI, India (AP) — Five months later, Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty is still feeling the effects of a kiss from Richard Gere.

Immigration officials at Mumbai airport briefly detained Shetty, saying she was still wanted for obscenity charges filed in the wake of the public kiss with the Hollywood star, her publicist, Dale Bhagwagar, said Thursday.

Shetty was in tears late Wednesday after being stopped at the airport while on her way to Berlin where the musical “Miss Bollywood” opens this weekend, said Bhagwagar. Shetty plays the musical’s lead role.

“She called me in the middle of the night and was in tears,” said Bhagwagar, adding Shetty was finally permitted to join her dance troupe after prolonged questioning.
“I can understand something like this if I’d committed a criminal offense. But what was my offense, when I’m just an actor, going to perform a musical on foreign land,” Bhagwagar quoted Shetty saying.

Gere embraced and kissed Shetty on her cheek at a public AIDS awareness event in New Delhi in April, sparking an outcry among conservative hardline Hindus, who claimed the pair had violated the country’s strict anti-obscenity laws.

Now, when I first read the headline “Bollywood actress still hurting from Gere kiss” it made perfect sense. Then I read the story and remembered the real events. But, I mean, come on… having Gere’s kiss leave you in physical pain for months on end is something I could believe in.

On the other hand any law that says a kiss on the cheek is obscene… well maybe they’re based in Staten Island. I mean have you been to the mall there with the families and the kisses on the cheek and… all right I can start to see their side in this whole fight.

Also it could just be that a kiss from Gere, anywhere, is considered obscene.

Then again, it didn’t hurt any when I slipped Gere some tongue that one time. Or was that a dream? Or a nightmare? Or just the result of pepperoni before bed?

I can never remember.

I also need to question Cindy Crawford. She was married to the guy for 4 years - does it still hurt? Show me on the supermodel where he touched you! Show me!

I need more caffeine.

First up is the Avurt IM-5 Launcher. It’s a non-lethal device, tossing out semi-auto rounds up to 40 feet.

The rounds themselves use PAVA powder, apparently a variant on pepper spray.

More importantly it comes in blue, black red and pink. Because your $300 future-pepper-spray-gun thing should damn well accessorize properly.

So I just found out that Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal is getting a Special Edition.

Leather-bound. Bible-tastic. I just had to share. It’s out in November (though of course Amazon has pre-orders now) and at pre-order it’s about 14 bucks. 20 bucks if you go get it at a store when it ships in Nov.

I will say, this is one of my favorite books. Does it tell the story of Jesus, focusing on that 30 gap in the Bible? Yup. Is it disrespectful? Not really. It’s funny, charming and heart-warming. I’ve been shoving this into people’s hands ever since it was shoved into mine by Ed years ago.

A truly fantastic book and the edition that I, personally, always wanted. I used to wonder why there wasn’t a leather-bound Bible edition of this thing. Then they gave one to me. See? Jesus delivered. Or Chris Moore’s publishers did. One or the other.

(via Media Matters): Bill O’Reilly, man of the people, man of the times! So on his radio show recently, the 19th to be exact, Bill discussed a recent adventure he had.

“During the September 19 edition of his nationally syndicated radio program, discussing his recent trip to have dinner with Rev. Al Sharpton at Sylvia’s, a famous restaurant in Harlem, Bill O’Reilly reported that he “had a great time, and all the people up there are tremendously respectful,” adding: “I couldn’t get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia’s restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it’s run by blacks, primarily black patronship.”

O’Reilly asserted: “There wasn’t one person in Sylvia’s who was screaming, ‘M-Fer, I want more iced tea.’ You know, I mean, everybody was — it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn’t any kind of craziness at all.”"

I don’t think there’s anything I can really add to make this worse. I don’t.

I wish this was a joke:

Found here they give notes on the event that I repeat here:

“Join the MurrFurs as we take on the “USS Republic Klingons” in their second annual Bowling Challenge!

8:00 p.m. Saturday, September 29, 2007

Midtown Bowl
1936 Piedmont Cir NE
Atlanta GA 30324
Near the intersection of Piedmont and Cheshire Bridge Rds

Use Mapquest for directions or call (678) 362-8983

Just like all our bowling events those out of suit are welcome to attend, but if you have a suit please be sure to join in the fun. We will probably go out to dinner afterwards so please plan for that. Hope to see you there!”

Pirates Vs. Ninja is so last year, guys. Furries Vs. Klingons is the new black. The new soft, pawed, foam suited black. The new lobster headed fake knife waving black. NerdBlack. Berd. Nlack. Whatever it is, good fuck come on. Furries Vs. Klingons.

How is this not available on DVD?

More importantly, who do I know in Atlanta that will go and take pictures and report on this? There’s money involved. If interested, mail me. For serious. Because I need this covered. Fuck. Come on. No lie. Contact me if willing to cover this for me.

FURRIES VS. KLINGONS!

THE FOX VS. THE [WHATEVER THE WORD FOR HOUND IS IN KLINGON, PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE HGJSLK'QUO'EJ]

WHY AM I YELLING?

I’m excited that’s why! This is the Superbowl of sad! The Stanley Cup of What the Fuck! The World Series of “What the fuck are they thinking?”

(via The NY Post):

With his gal pal, Nicole look-alike Christie Prody, next to him, Simpson peeled his Lexus sedan into the driveway in the late evening as Marlene Gonzalez was parking her brawny hubby’s pickup truck.

Simpson made a beeline for her, shouting, “I need to f- - -ing talk to you,” Marlene Gonzalez said.

He told her that her husband had sex with Prody earlier that day, she said.

“I told him he had to solve that problem with his girlfriend,” she said.

Janos Gonzalez, who had been inside, emerged and told Simpson to leave.

But Simpson told the lantern-jawed lothario: “Come over here. I’m going to f- - -ing kill you,” Marlene Gonzalez said.

Simpson then placed his hand behind him as if drawing a gun, she said.

————————————–

Safe bet number one: If OJ Simpson says he is going to kill you, chances are that he will, in fact, kill you. I mean, if history teaches us nothing - it teaches us that. Well, it also teaches us that if it gets red and itchy “down there” you should see a doctor.

Damn you, history!

Where was I? Right, OJ and the whole killing thing. Look, this is a man who has killed, and then did some other shit recently and here he is saying he’s gonna kill someone else and… face it. This is the man who can get away with any crime. Does some Government want to commit fantastic acts of terrorism? Hire OJ! So what if he gets caught - nothing will happen to him.

Flipping back a bit, how funny is it that OJ threatens to kill someone. You gotta figure he knows everyone will take him seriously. Because, well, he’s killed before right? So I think it goes like this:

If OJ wants a parking space but you’re in it? He’ll kill you if you don’t move your car.

If OJ needs that library book right now? He’ll kill you if you don’t give it to him and then pay the fines yourself.

What would OJ do for a Klondike bar? He’d fucking kill you.

So I just finished The Book Thief on Melanie’s suggestion. I gotta admit the start was strong but didn’t really grab me too hard until about 150 pages in. Then it all hit at once. Fantastic read, with one or two odd formatting choices that sometimes didn’t work for me. But only sometimes.

All in all well worth a reading.

Now, mind you, I’m reading The Right Stuff, because sometimes you have to.

After that I have a host of books to read: The Rifters trilogy waits for me (never did read all of it), yes Crooked Little Vein still waits for me, too. There is a reason. Yes I know I’ll enjoy it. What I’m working on right now, reading it would mess me up. I have to get past a few more stories until I’m in the clear. That sort of thing does matter, and I can’t hear that voice right now. I can’t. So it sits and waits. Sorry.

But then the exciting news: I found on Amazon’s used book section, a book. Oh yes. I found John Brunner: Three Complete Novels (Children of Thunder, The Tides of Time and The Crucible of Time). Brunner I haven’t read.

Oh course I also have a bunch of other books. But there ya go. Brunner-envy. Feel the burn.