The shortest limbo I have ever seen and am probably going to ever see. Holy shit.

Last night I had to pick a friend up from the hospital, post-op. He was good enough to walk and so we set out to fill his prescription. This was harder than you might think, at first.

Of course it was. Did you somehow expect it all to be magically deliciously easy? Fools!

The hospital told us one place would be open 24hrs (we left the joint at 10pm-ish) and yet? It wasn’t. They were closed up tighter than a … a … metal drum full of suffocated monkeys. Or something to that effect.

Shakily, we walked on. Well, I wasn’t shaky, my still dazed and slightly drugged friend was. We mounted an offensive though, an offensive against the pharmacies of the world.

We hit the second place and walked, smiling, to the pharmacy section. They were bright and oddly present. They looked a bit like drones. Scary Stepford druggists who wanted to fill our prescriptions … with death!

But the scrip was handed over and looked at and everything seemed like it would go just fine. Until the pill jockey uttered these words:

“No, we’re out of percocet, we’ve had a run on that one tonight.”

Now, the way he said it was so simple and light, like he might’ve told us about the color of his socks. The most normal thing in the world. They had a run on percocet. Like it was going out of style.

And I wondered.

I wonder, still, what caused the run, last night. So many options, so many choices to dabble in and play with. I want to hug them each.

Anyway, the third place filled the prescription and thus was the world saved by the forces of good.

But … a run on percocet? A run over one day high enough to totally wipe out a pharmacy, unexpectedly?

Huh.

Here you go then, today’s news (via CBSNews):

(AP) An Australian woman was killed by a pet camel given to her as a 60th birthday present after the animal apparently tried to have sex, police said Sunday.

The woman, whose name was not released, was killed Saturday at her family’s sheep and cattle ranch near Mitchell, 350 miles west of the Queensland state capital Brisbane, state police Detective Senior Constable Craig Gregory said.

The 10-month-old male camel — weighing about 330 pounds — knocked the woman to the ground, lay on top of her, then exhibited what police suspect was mating behavior, Gregory said.

“I’d say it’s probably been playing, or it may be even a sexual sort of thing,” Gregory said, adding the camel almost suffocated the family’s pet goat by straddling it on several occasions.

Camel expert Chris Hill said he had no doubt the camel’s behavior was sexual.

Hill, who has offered camel rides to tourists for 20 years, said young camels are not aggressive, but can be dangerous if treated as pets without discipline.

The fate of the camel was not known.

The woman was given the camel in March as a birthday present from her husband and daughter. “She had a love of exotic pets,” Gregory said.

———————————–

Now, hold on. First of all she was given a came for her birthday? I mean, how cool is that? I got a card and an Amazon gift certificate. You all, officially, kinda suck. None of you got me a camel. Not even a llama, or a duck. Not even a duck! Much less a camel.

Sure, she got killed by it, but still, she got a camel for her birthday.

Moving on though, the camel killed her while trying to fuck her. The Camel Expert said “young camels are not aggressive, but can be dangerous if treated as pets without discipline” where “dangerous” would seem to mean “will fuck anything close by”.

God I wish there was video of this.

And maybe that does make me a bad person, sure. But I want to see an out of control, enraged, horny camel go after go after someone. Now, sure, it might not have been funny by itself but if you sped it up and put Yakety Sax in the background you would laugh. You would laugh ’till you died.

Like that woman did. Except with less camel sex.

I don’t normally pre-order items really far out from their release date. This time, however, I have given in. Why? Because the Blade Runner (Five-Disc Ultimate Collector’s Edition) is worth my time. And yours, I think.

What does it have? Five discs worth of goodness:

Disc one is the new Final Cut of the movie that Scott has done. That version of the film also has:

Commentary by Ridley Scott

Commentary by executive producer/co-screenwriter Hampton Fancher and co-screenwriter David Peoples; producer Michael Deely and production executive Katherine Haber

Commentary by visual futurist Syd Mead; production designer Lawrence G. Paull, art director David L. Snyder and special photographic effects supervisors Douglas Trumbull, Richard Yuricich and David Dryer

Disc two has a new full length documentary.

Disc three has the original theatrical version, the internation version and the director’s cut.

Disc four has all of the extras. Like… yeah:

• Featurette “The Electric Dreamer: Remembering Philip K. Dick”
• Featurette “Sacrificial Sheep: The Novel vs. The Film”
• Philip K. Dick: The Blade Runner Interviews (audio)
• Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep Cover Gallery (images)
• The Art of Blade Runner (image galleries)
• Featurette “Signs of the Times: Graphic Design”
• Featurette “Fashion Forward: Wardrobe & Styling”
• Screen Tests: Rachel & Pris
• Featurette “The Light That Burns: Remembering Jordan Cronenweth”
• Unit photography gallery
• Deleted and alternate scenes
• 1982 promotional featurettes
• Trailers and TV spots
• Featurette “Promoting Dystopia: Rendering the Poster Art”
• Marketing and merchandise gallery (images)
• Featurette “Deck-A-Rep: The True Nature of Rick Deckard”
• Featurette “–Nexus Generation: Fans & Filmmakers”

Disc five has the workprint version of the film, with a commentary.

Christ. I dunno, it has everything. And of course:

“The Ultimate Collector’s Edition will be presented in a unique 5-disc digi-package with handle which is a stylish version of Rick Deckard’s own briefcase. In addition, each briefcase will be individually numbered and in limited supply. Included is a lenticular motion film clip from the original feature, miniature origami unicorn figurine, miniature replica spinner car, and collector’s photographs, as well as a signed personal letter from Sir Ridley Scott.”

Which means there aren’t tons and tons of them. Only, probably, tons. So sure, it ships December 18, but come on! Look at it. Blade Runner loves you long time, ya know?

So yes, I had to give in. I just had to.

Ahhh, yeah. This is the stuff. Yup. Dear lord.

But why the Back to the Future music?

Why?

Max Roach is dead.

The greatest drummer of our time, dead at 83. He found ways to use percussion that people simply hadn’t seen before. Roach made it more than the rhythm section, he turned percussion into as much a lead instrument as anything else.

From the innovation of M’Boom his all percussion group to the early work with Fab Five Freddy when no one else would work with rappers (Roach saw an endless depth to the concept), Roach was, simply put, a musical genius.

He knew more about a drum kit than anyone else in the room, always. He taught music for a while, he explored and never stopped playing.

He was an innovator. He was a great musician. A father. A man.

An inspiration. Certainly one of mine.

Yes, the song is by Samwell. Yes it is called What what (in the butt). Yes it is what you think. It’s also hysterical. Thanks to Dei for pointing at it.

Hello! NINJA CHEERLEADERS!

It’s a movie. It has George Takei. It has cheerleaders who are ninja.

The synopsis is a thing of beauty. In even shorter form? They have to cheer at the big game, go fight as ninja and then have a strip-off to make money. All in the same movie. Because that’s how this shit rolls.

My birthday is this coming Sunday. I am thinking of going out. Tentative based on ideas. Just FYI.

Back in NY. Trying to wake up so I can tackle the load of writing work I have to clear and shuffle around to make my schedule make sense again. Things got a bit complicated this week. In good ways.

Anyway, that’s it for this second.

The streets downtown are odd to my feet. In NY they’re harder on the surface but have more give as you walk. It isn’t springy lord knows, but there is a strange give to the streets. Downtown here in SF they are softer somehow on the surface but hold less spring. They’re far more solid. And so it ends up being strange walking around. The streets don’t give, they don’t do whatever the streets in NY do (which is based on the fact that NY streets are basically hollow really). So each step actually feels harder on your feet.

Strange, I tell you.

Spent the day wandering downtown and around various neighborhoods and a quick meander along a beach. Came back and just stood outside for ten or so minutes, watching the sun start to set over mountains.

No, I’m not turning into a hippie. Some things you just do, though.

Of course I had the obligatory back and forth on Muni and BART. They’re so … cute. Better than the Boston T system, loud, but cute. And so … did I mention cute. I want to cuddle the Muni trains. People here ride trains rudely though. They don’t move out of the way so people can get off the train, they don’t know how to move in to make room, they don’t stand aside so you can get off a train, either.

Idiots. It ain’t hard. It’s called being polite. Boston is, for the record, just as bad. Most places are, I find. NY is just so packed, that you end up polite because otherwise you’d just get killed. It’s a nice system. It works. I want to hand out manuals here, teach some basic transit manners.

But I’m a cranky old fucker. So what can ya do.

Tomorrow I fly out, landing around midnight (EST, that is), getting home a while after that. So. There ya have it. More when I get home to NY.