TCP!
UDP!
FTP!
SSH!
HTTP!

GO INTARWEBS!

With your powers combined I am Captain Intarwebs!

Captain Intarwebs, he’s our hero,
Gonna take productivity down to zero,
He’s our lameness magnified,
And he’s trolling on the intarweb side

Captain Intarwebs, he’s our hero,
Gonna take productivity down to zero,
Gonna help him post our cat pics,
Bad guys who like to look at goatse.cx

“You’ll pay for this Captain Intarwebs!”

(chanting)
We’re the intarwebateers,
You can be one too!
‘Cause postin’ ’bout our day is the thing to do,
Flaming and spamming is not the way,
Hear what Captain Intarweb has to say:

“THE POWER IS A WORLDWIDE, PUBLICLY ACCESSIBLE NETWORK OF INTERCONNECTED COMPUTER NETWORKS THAT TRANSMIT DATA BY PACKET SWITCHING USING THE STANDARD INTERNET PROTOCOL!!”

EPISODE #1 - CALLING CAPTAIN INTARWEBS

TCP: Hey guys, what’re you doing?

FTP: I’m gonna go race my bike, and download some files. You?

UDP: I was gonna go be racially sensitive and maybe get drunk and let a flooder use and abuse me.

TCP: Damn, UDP, I’m with you!

SSH: I don’t feel safe outside. I think I’ll stay home.

HTTP: I gots a date with the ladies!

UDP: Which?

HTTP: Alls of ‘em. That’s how I roll.

SSH: Damn I wish I was like HTTP. He’s so… publicly accessible.

HTTP: You could come along with my SSH, if you wanted, to.

SSH: Naw, I should stay and keep watch. Ever since the day we found out that together we can harness ourselves and become…

FTP: Not this speech again. I’m outs.

HTTP: Wait for me!

TCP: Come on UDP!

UDP: Awww, I kinda like hearing it…

SSH: …and then we all were nice to each other. And safe. You know, secure. Bye guys.

ONE COMMERCIAL BREAK LATER

SSH: Guys! Come in Intarwebateers! Guys! Come on!

UDP: Huh? Wassat?

TCP: What’s wrong SSH?

SSH: SYN FLOOD!

HTTP: Can we handle it?

FTP: Not alone!

SSH: You mean?

HTTP: We gotta form up to make Captain Intarwebs, yo!

SSH: I get to feel again, for a little while.

TCP: Uhhhh, yeah. All right people, form up!

ALL TOGETHER: CAPTAIN INTARWEBS! GO!

Captain Intarwebs: Now what they did they make me up for? Oh, I see, Syn flood. Huh. Well I can… hey shit, what’s that on boingboing? Fuck, the Syn flood will only take a few routers out. Oh, shit, someone added me to their MySpace, yes! Woohoo! Hey, I wonder what Smurf I would be…