There has been talk about both myself, General Zod, and my friend here, Robotic Yul Brynner

Hello, meatsocks.

Yesterday, Robotic Yul Brynner told you to draw. In response some of you said that he was weak and beaten by Richard Benjamin. Some of you suggested that he should fight me, Zod. One of you even suggested that Chuck Norris could defeat Robotic Yul Brynner.

Robotic Yul Brynner was not amused by the Chuck Norris insinuation.

So we wish to set the record straight. You fools think that Richard Benjamin could truly defeat Robotic Yul Brynner?

I have muscles. They are metal. They can crush you watery ones. Squish squash. Squish squash.

Exactly. This is like claiming that I was sent to my endless doom by that wretched ape, Kal-El. How stupid is that? Hello, citizens of Hoostan. It was a movie! They both were!

Hollywood created the endings to make you feel better. We were not defeated. We won. They lied.

Did you see Superman III? Obviously a fake Superman. Same with IV. Why? Because I killed him. He would not kneel and so I, General Zod, destroyed him.

Richard Benjamin ran a lot. It made Robotic Yul Brynner chase him down a lot of corridors. When I caught him his wet bits went squish squash a lot. Then they stopped. Because he was dead.

But you fools demand to believe in these movies you see, as if they were telling the truth. Robotic Yul Brynner, did you know some of them even believe the JFK movie?

I shot him, you know.

I know! But do the stupid humans know this? No! Fools! Your second complaint was that Robotic Yul Brynner and I should fight. Why would we fight? We’re friends! Some of you shall kneel before Zod. Those that might escape my clutches? You will be forced to draw.

Draw meatsock. Draw and lose.

You truly are simple creatures.

And then they said Robotic Yul Brynner would be defeated by Chuck Norris.

I threw him into the sun ten years ago. He did not kneel.

He would not draw.

And now he is atomic matter in your solar orb. The orb that gives me my power. I destroyed your Chuck Norris and made him part of my energy source. I “ate him for breakfast” as it were.

Should we tell them who the Chuck Norris replacement really is?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

HA*click*HAHA*click*HA*click*HAHAHA*click*HA!

That’s right, fools! I am your “Chuck Norris”! I get paid well for it too! I just put on a special suit and swagger a bit and you never know! I mean, you might have wondered why Walker, Texas Ranger bitches about Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, but you are all probably too dumb to notice.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

HA*click*HAHA*click*HA*click*HAHAHA*click*HA!

I hope this clears things up for you, people of Hoostan. Do not doubt us again.

And if you do… draw.