Sometimes I make a mistake and wonder how much stranger the world could get. Then something like the Dustin Diamond tape surfaces, or Madonna adopts a baby from its father, and the father doesn’t realize it at first, or a hundred other things.

I mean how can I be expected to write horror when I see a picture of Cameron Diaz that looks like this:

And your little dog, too!
Not that Diaz is hideous or anything, but come on. She kinda looks like one of those shrunken heads you make out of a dried apple.