Leonardo DiCaprio never learned how to wear a phone headset. I mean, it isn’t hard, is it? You stick the ear bud in your ear and you clip the clip part to a shirt, if you want, and then you let the microphone bit dangle.

How is that rocket science? How is that at all, in any way, complex? Even with the mic dangling below your face you can still hear people just fine.

And let me talk directly to those of you who feel the need to pull your handset away from your head, stick the mic bend right against your mouth and shout words at it, before quickly sticking the phone back against your head so that you can hear. You people are fuckwits. Phones haven’t worked like that since before they had dials. It isn’t two cans and a piece of string. It’s a modern god damned phone. Hold it against your head, talk at a normal level, listen, and then hang up and buy your latte.

Fuckers.

Anyway! Back to Leonardo.

No, not:

OR
No, I mean Leonardo, the asshole who wears his phone headset like this:

Come on! He looks like he got caught in a bad wind. Or maybe he was assaulted and just escaped and they tied him up with phone products and he didn’t realize he forgot to free his face. Or possibly it’s Nokia Bondage Porn. I don’t know. All I know is: it ain’t right.