Inside Frodo’s house

Frodo Kirk: We… MUST… getthisringtoMountDoom.

Spockwise: That is only logical, Master.

Scotdalf: Aye! Ye should proceed with me, I’ll show ye the way!

Further along the path to Mount Doom

Smeagol Khan: We hateses the Kirks. We hateses hims!

Back along the long and winding road

Frodo Kirk: Each… step… islikedestiny… that BEFALLS us.

Spockwise: That makes little sense. Still. I would enjoy fawning over you some more.

Sulugas: Oh, just come on!

Chekli: Da!

Uhuragorn: Follow me! Scotdalf and I shall lead you away to safety!

The group is beset by evil creatures

Sulugas: This is the way to safety?

Frodo Kirk: Klingwraith bastards! You killed my Uncle!

Scotdalf: … no they didn’t.

Frodo Kirk: These Klingwraith BASTARDS! They… what?

Scotdalf: Aye, laddie. Your uncle is safe in the Nuetral Zone.

Frodo Kirk: Oh… well… stillwemust… defeat them.

Scotdalf: Aye! Saint’s and Begorrah!

Klingwraiths burst into flames and die

Scotdalf: They won’t push us anymorrrrrrrre.

Later, near the end of thisjokethe journey

Smeagol Khan: We havesses the rings!

Frodo Kirk: KKKKKKKKHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!

And even later… oin Mount Doom, after Kirk took us through 17 long speeches and got the ring back…

Frodo Kirk: You… can’t WIN, Sauron!

Sauron: glows evilly

Frodo Kirk: It’s like the elvish ritual of… Kobayashi Maru… you can… not… hope to… WIN!

Sauron: glows evilly

Frodo Kirk: You… have an allure…

Sauron: glows evilly

Kirk and Sauron make out

Frodo Kirk: So now you’ve… seen… the ERRORSofyourways?

Sauron: glows evilly

Frodo Kirk: no! Don’t…. kill… yourself!

Sauron: glows evilly

Scotdalf: Laddie, this is disgusting and wrong. Also, ye’re talking to yeself. Cin we go now?

Frodo Kirk: First mountain to the left and straight on till…

Spockwise: *Hobbit Neck Pinch* Shall we leave?

Sulugas: About time!

Chekli: Da!

Uhuragorn: Fucking finally.