Hi there. I’m international superstar David Hasslehoff and this is Gary Coleman, who hasn’t done anything of note recently.

Yo, what the fuck is that about, Hasslehoff? Why do you gotta start this off by insulting me?

Hey, it’s true. You ran for Govenor of CA and lost…

Like you would’ve won?

I could be the President of Germany, bitch.

What ‘chu talkin’ ’bout, Hoff?

They love the Hoff in Germantown. Ja.

Nice. So what, they get you a gold talking car?

Oh, don’t diss the ride. Do not diss the ride, short round.

You… just… you did not!

The Hoff dares all.

You’re dead, fucker!

You and what stepladder?

We’re sorry folks, but it seems that Coleman and Hoff can’t take over for the guys who really run this show. Right, Bill?

Right you are, Feldman.

Anyway, how ya been, Shat?

Damn good, Feldman. And yourself?

Smokin’, baby. I’m fucking smokin’!

Sweet, dawg. Let’s bounce.

Peace out.